Dating someone with kids isn't easy and some choose to not date people with kids. I'm fine with that, no judgement here. Some even with kids refuse to date others with kids - conjoined families are nothing to play around with and there has to be a full commitment to doing so. Some make it work, some can't and the kids end up paying the price.
However, I feel as if we're missing some key elements here. The other parent - and the respect that's what they are. At one point in time, your new boyfriend/girlfriend did possibly love someone else to start a family with them, a new child was brought into the world and whether you like it or not, they will be around for the rest of that child's life. They're going to have to speak with that parent, see them, and co-parent for more than just 18 years. (I'm basing this all off that the other parent wants to be in the child's life)
Over the past week, I've been dealt a full deck of cards. I thought I was handling it quite well. I have an amazing support system and they've all been by my side. Being pregnant and I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure my hormones however have made my problems seem more exuberant than they actually are. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. However, during the last couple days this week - something has come up that really, just throws salt on the wounds.
I try not to talk to my ex unless it involves our kid (s). Our lawyers are dealing with anything legal and we are trying to co-parent to the best of our ability. The reason why I date occasionally and say no to potential relationships is because I know I'm not ready - I have many wounds that need to heal properly, no bandaids here. I don't want to know, or care what's going in his life. My children are my main focus with him and who he brings these kids around.
This next paragraph is how * I FEEL* this situation SHOULD be treated.
You meet a new person, they have kids. You're in the puppy love stage and just want to spend as much time as you can with the person. You go on dates, picture yourselves together forever and this person is just perrrfect. However, you know and I know that this is just a stage and it'll pass and that's why I didn't mention bringing kids to meet this other person. I'm a firm believer in the 6 month rule. In 6 months you should know whether or not you want to continue seeing this person and you should know by then, their ins and outs. After 6 months, pending on the children's ages, you slowly start to integrate the family together. Have dinner here and there, maybe a family outing, but no sleep overs.
As the other parent, you should be in the know. Talk it over with the other parent...after all, this is their child too and guess what, kids talk. If you don't tell them, the kids will and that's just drama you don't need. As the new g/f/b/f here's my advice to you:
- Respect any boundaries put into place by the co-parent
- Respect any routines
- Realize you're not the new mother/father
- Have fun building a relationship
DO NOT do this:
- Bad talk the other co-parent when children are around
- Message/talk to co-parent when asked not to
- View co-parent as a giant threat
- Stir drama within the relationship of the two parents
- Message/talk to co-parent under the disguise of the other parent.
If you know me, the "do not's" look pretty familiar don't they?
I don't know, call me crazy but I just don't get it. When I get into another relationship and if there is kids involved, I KNOW I would be staying far away from that woman as possible. If we could get along, that's great but if not, I also know that she is still the mother and I need to respect that.
Until next time.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
The Social Experiment
Over the past couple of weeks, my partner in crime and I decided to really give up on dating. She was having issues with a guy who in one second, wanted her to meet all his family and the next second, giving all the signs that 'he's just not that into you'. Cancelling dates, not returning calls, and they call us the crazy ones?
Anyways, we decided to make a 'single's page', where we could meet other singles and just have a single grand ol' time. What we didn't realize is how much the page was going to be a hit....with the cougars.
Within 2 weeks, the page was almost up to 60 people and we were going to have our first event. You know my love for sushi and my love for meeting new people so, I was hoping others hopped on board as well. With about a 40/20 ratio of women to men, it seemed like this was going to be a smash hit.
If only it was...
With my little black dress on, matching leopard print shoes and bag, make-up all done up, I was off, ready to socialize with strangers of all ages, genders, backgrounds; share break-up stories and eat all the sushi I could shove in my mouth.
I meet up with my friend, who also brought along one of her friends, so that makes 3 of us girls. We get our name tags put together and sit and play the waiting game..order food...and wait some more and take a whole bunch of pictures....and wait some more. We start wishing this restaurant had a patio so we could rate men on the street and hopefully, draw more candidates in the group.
Well you can kinda see where this is going. Not one soul out of almost 60 showed up! So I got to wondering, if so many people like this idea....why are they just settling on the idea instead of the concept of actually socializing?
I'm learning in a psychology book right now that people find safety in numbers. You get the oddball like me who doesn't mind going out alone but I would so rather go with someone else. We pushed for our followers to bring friends but, it didn't make the cut. I guess thinking about it, it's rather odd to go a restaurant to sit at a table with maybe one person you know, but at a table of people you don't know. Kinda sounds like arranged seating at a wedding...the more cocktails you get in, the more apt you are to care about the people around you, if not, dig in..wait for the DJ and dance the night away.
We decided to end the night at a local pub and rate the men there...unfortunately again, it was a Tuesday night so, that didn't work out. Either way, it was still a nice time hanging out with the girls...and still sharing break up stories, learning about my friend's giant turn off when it comes to men and little dogs, and because we're all moms...talking about our kids.
We're thinking about making our next event at a winery.......hopefully wine will make people come out!
Anyways, we decided to make a 'single's page', where we could meet other singles and just have a single grand ol' time. What we didn't realize is how much the page was going to be a hit....with the cougars.
Within 2 weeks, the page was almost up to 60 people and we were going to have our first event. You know my love for sushi and my love for meeting new people so, I was hoping others hopped on board as well. With about a 40/20 ratio of women to men, it seemed like this was going to be a smash hit.
If only it was...
With my little black dress on, matching leopard print shoes and bag, make-up all done up, I was off, ready to socialize with strangers of all ages, genders, backgrounds; share break-up stories and eat all the sushi I could shove in my mouth.
I meet up with my friend, who also brought along one of her friends, so that makes 3 of us girls. We get our name tags put together and sit and play the waiting game..order food...and wait some more and take a whole bunch of pictures....and wait some more. We start wishing this restaurant had a patio so we could rate men on the street and hopefully, draw more candidates in the group.
Well you can kinda see where this is going. Not one soul out of almost 60 showed up! So I got to wondering, if so many people like this idea....why are they just settling on the idea instead of the concept of actually socializing?
I'm learning in a psychology book right now that people find safety in numbers. You get the oddball like me who doesn't mind going out alone but I would so rather go with someone else. We pushed for our followers to bring friends but, it didn't make the cut. I guess thinking about it, it's rather odd to go a restaurant to sit at a table with maybe one person you know, but at a table of people you don't know. Kinda sounds like arranged seating at a wedding...the more cocktails you get in, the more apt you are to care about the people around you, if not, dig in..wait for the DJ and dance the night away.
We decided to end the night at a local pub and rate the men there...unfortunately again, it was a Tuesday night so, that didn't work out. Either way, it was still a nice time hanging out with the girls...and still sharing break up stories, learning about my friend's giant turn off when it comes to men and little dogs, and because we're all moms...talking about our kids.
We're thinking about making our next event at a winery.......hopefully wine will make people come out!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
My Thoughts: The Voice
I'm going to start this post off by saying, holy cow time is flying. I went to get my oil changed today and after when I went into my day planner to write down my next change, I realized my second son will have been born. That is scarey stuff!
I quite enjoy writing this blog and even though my date track record is at a low, I'm ok with it. Today I went out and bought a little notepad for in my purse. I come up with ideas all the time and in 7 days, I completely forget about what they were. Even today I got some interviewing done with a couple girlfriends on a subject that will be eventually touched upon. I want more women's input on the topic so, don't be surprised if I walk up to you, notepad in hand, and ask your opinion.
Also, on Tuesday, I will be conducting a social experiment of sorts, and I'm definitely looking forward to that. So, all in all, I want to thank everyone for giving me subjects to write about! Moving along...
Over this past week, I've been looking to rent something for my son. I hate talking on the phone...HATE it. I hate calling, asking prices, and then quickly hanging up before they can loop me in. After speaking to some who's accents are indistinguishable, to almost falling over in my chair to prices, I called up my last company.
A male answers the phone and honestly, I have no idea what he said, I was too caught up just listening to him speak. From what I could tell, I would pin his age at 25 - 35, and his voice was very smooth. I could listen to him talk all day. He wasn't sure if what I needed was in stock and would call me back in a couple days. Awesome!
I found myself logging straight into facebook, google, the company's website, ANYTHING to find out what this guy looked like. In my mind he couldn't possibly be ugly with a voice like that. I had a vision, and I wanted to know if it was accurate.
Unfortunately, my searches failed. Even with over 100 + photo's on the company's website, there were NONE of any people, just their products. Today I received my dream-bo's call and again, unfortunately what I needed is being rented out that day, so... you will stay in my mind as my Ken barbie doll. I do have to give him credit for calling me back with the bad news instead of leaving me hanging.
Back in 2004, I dated this guy named Jimmy. Now, many people have heard my break-up story with Jimmy and that's all they remember of him, however not many remember his voice or even what he looked like.
Jimmy was a tall and very slender guy. He had his own apartment, and was a HUGE clean freak. He had a key to my apartment and I remember coming home once, seeing his car there, walking in and there's Jimmy on his hands and knees scrubbing my floor with a brush. He insisted they weren't white enough and if you know me, cleanliness is never on my top priority list.
In Jimmy's apartment, everything matched. I'm doing good if I can find socks that match. His curtains matched his bedspread, he had potpourri in the bathroom, and we even got into a fight once because God forbid, I walked on his newly shampooed carpet. Needless to say, Jimmy and I didn't last long but what I want to touch base on, was his voice. Jimmy had a higher voice for a male and I remember I hated it. shh baby don't talk...just listen...always.
Voices are a peculiar thing, they're one of the most distinguishable attributes on a person. Go ahead and pick up the phone right now and call your grandma. Chances are, she probably doesn't have caller-ID so that's why I'm picking her. If you're close to her and talk to her often, she'll know exactly who's on that other line. (Unless grandma has amnesia then go ahead and pick someone else)
Testosterone is one of the key elements that makes a male's voice low, it also is involved with body hair. The more you have, the chances are your voice will lower and you'll grow facial hair. That's why when women decide to become men, they take testosterone injections. The same goes for our estrogen, it'll make your voice higher and you'll start to grow....womanly attributes.
I think women have it in their mind (I know I do) that the more testosterone a man has, the manlier he is. The manlier he is, the more likely that he'll want to settle down eventually and have his legacy continue on...aka kids. I guess maybe it all goes back to caveman days and the same goes for men. Women that tend to have a higher voice and bigger cleavage seem to get all the boys to the yard. Of course, there's always the exception.
I'll end tonight with the conclusion of Jimmy and I's break-up. After 3 weeks, Jimmy pulled out the love card and I found I couldn't say it back and it hurt him. I knew we weren't compatible at all and had to let the boy down. In the parking lot of his apartment, I told him it wasn't going to work and things had to end. Jimmy started crying..hard. I did the next best thing I could think of......run. I jumped into my truck and started pulling away. In the rear view mirror I could see Jimmy running after my truck, in the middle of street, crying while chasing.
The last time I spoke to Jimmy which was....probably two years later, he was married and was trying for children. Good for you Jimmy!
I quite enjoy writing this blog and even though my date track record is at a low, I'm ok with it. Today I went out and bought a little notepad for in my purse. I come up with ideas all the time and in 7 days, I completely forget about what they were. Even today I got some interviewing done with a couple girlfriends on a subject that will be eventually touched upon. I want more women's input on the topic so, don't be surprised if I walk up to you, notepad in hand, and ask your opinion.
Also, on Tuesday, I will be conducting a social experiment of sorts, and I'm definitely looking forward to that. So, all in all, I want to thank everyone for giving me subjects to write about! Moving along...
Over this past week, I've been looking to rent something for my son. I hate talking on the phone...HATE it. I hate calling, asking prices, and then quickly hanging up before they can loop me in. After speaking to some who's accents are indistinguishable, to almost falling over in my chair to prices, I called up my last company.
A male answers the phone and honestly, I have no idea what he said, I was too caught up just listening to him speak. From what I could tell, I would pin his age at 25 - 35, and his voice was very smooth. I could listen to him talk all day. He wasn't sure if what I needed was in stock and would call me back in a couple days. Awesome!
I found myself logging straight into facebook, google, the company's website, ANYTHING to find out what this guy looked like. In my mind he couldn't possibly be ugly with a voice like that. I had a vision, and I wanted to know if it was accurate.
Unfortunately, my searches failed. Even with over 100 + photo's on the company's website, there were NONE of any people, just their products. Today I received my dream-bo's call and again, unfortunately what I needed is being rented out that day, so... you will stay in my mind as my Ken barbie doll. I do have to give him credit for calling me back with the bad news instead of leaving me hanging.
Back in 2004, I dated this guy named Jimmy. Now, many people have heard my break-up story with Jimmy and that's all they remember of him, however not many remember his voice or even what he looked like.
Jimmy was a tall and very slender guy. He had his own apartment, and was a HUGE clean freak. He had a key to my apartment and I remember coming home once, seeing his car there, walking in and there's Jimmy on his hands and knees scrubbing my floor with a brush. He insisted they weren't white enough and if you know me, cleanliness is never on my top priority list.
In Jimmy's apartment, everything matched. I'm doing good if I can find socks that match. His curtains matched his bedspread, he had potpourri in the bathroom, and we even got into a fight once because God forbid, I walked on his newly shampooed carpet. Needless to say, Jimmy and I didn't last long but what I want to touch base on, was his voice. Jimmy had a higher voice for a male and I remember I hated it. shh baby don't talk...just listen...always.
Voices are a peculiar thing, they're one of the most distinguishable attributes on a person. Go ahead and pick up the phone right now and call your grandma. Chances are, she probably doesn't have caller-ID so that's why I'm picking her. If you're close to her and talk to her often, she'll know exactly who's on that other line. (Unless grandma has amnesia then go ahead and pick someone else)
Testosterone is one of the key elements that makes a male's voice low, it also is involved with body hair. The more you have, the chances are your voice will lower and you'll grow facial hair. That's why when women decide to become men, they take testosterone injections. The same goes for our estrogen, it'll make your voice higher and you'll start to grow....womanly attributes.
I think women have it in their mind (I know I do) that the more testosterone a man has, the manlier he is. The manlier he is, the more likely that he'll want to settle down eventually and have his legacy continue on...aka kids. I guess maybe it all goes back to caveman days and the same goes for men. Women that tend to have a higher voice and bigger cleavage seem to get all the boys to the yard. Of course, there's always the exception.
I'll end tonight with the conclusion of Jimmy and I's break-up. After 3 weeks, Jimmy pulled out the love card and I found I couldn't say it back and it hurt him. I knew we weren't compatible at all and had to let the boy down. In the parking lot of his apartment, I told him it wasn't going to work and things had to end. Jimmy started crying..hard. I did the next best thing I could think of......run. I jumped into my truck and started pulling away. In the rear view mirror I could see Jimmy running after my truck, in the middle of street, crying while chasing.
The last time I spoke to Jimmy which was....probably two years later, he was married and was trying for children. Good for you Jimmy!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
My Thoughts: The Ring Factor
It's just been one of those weeks where you finally sit down and realize....it's Thursday.
I finally got home tonight after a busy day of appointments and to watch my biggest guilty pleasure, the Wendy William's show and she was doing a commentary on the pregnant and dating show. She doesn't like it and I agree, I don't like it either. I watched two episodes and was bored out of my mind. Also, unlike moi, I tend to tell guys right away that I'm pregnant....let's get that pink elephant out of the room. These girls aren't saying anything until the 3rd or 4th date. I would be up in arms finding that information out so late, but ahhh who am I kidding, I haven't gone out on a date in over a month.
With that reminder, here I am.
Earlier this week, my son and I had our eye exams. Now, I speak very highly of my optometrist. I've been seeing him faithfully for...well most of my life. I've always had glasses and even in my teenage years, going for my appointment was like Christmas. I'd count down the days and be as giggly as a school girl when that time came. Did I mention he is gorgeous? Maybe that's why I always had an interest in the eye field.
In 2011, I had a decision to make. I was off on maternity leave for my first son and had to make the decision to go back to work at my boring factory job, OR go to school. I chose the latter at the time. I did all the paperwork and decided to become an optician, someone who helps you pick out your glasses and makes the lenses for you. Here's the catch, the only school was 4 hours away in Canada. I live in a border city and a school in the United States offered the same program...at only 2 hours away. I picked out my classes to be 3 days a week all day to make my trip worth it then Canada Post decided to go on strike. My student VISA was stuck in the mail. We all need money to survive, so I took that as a higher power telling me to go back to work so I did...the VISA came 2 weeks later but it was too late. Classes had already started.
Ok, I'm getting off topic here, back to my dreamy optometrist. He knew I had wanted to go to school to be an optician and had asked how it was going, 2 inches from my face. I broke the news that it didn't work out and he seemed so sad. He knew of my interest in the field and it kinda served as a reminder of how much my life has changed and how my dreams are not being fulfilled.
During my son's exam, toddlers as they often are, was not being very co-operative. After trying everything in his power to get my son to look at him (guess who's gonna need glasses probably for school) he makes up his charts and makes the comment that his daughter and my son were born on the same day. I found myself automatically looking for a ring. It never once occurred to me that this guy may have been married, let alone have kids.
In this day and age, I'm finding most people aren't wearing their wedding rings anymore. I was guilty of it too. Being a blue collar worker, I wasn't allowed to wear my rings at work so they often stayed in my jewelry box, where they still sit today. During happier times, my ex and I had gone to the lake with our son and while swimming, his slipped off his finger and we just never replaced it. We talked about it, but never really got around to it.
My father who is also a blue collar worker, never wears his for the exact same reason, he can't at work. So, if you don't go around wearing a sign saying "HEY I'M SINGLE" how do you know? You hear about people meeting in the grocery store, or at the bars but without that ring, how do you know you're not dealing with someone who has a wife and kids at home? I guess you just don't.
Ok, there is a damn kitten outside my window driving me nuts so I'm going to go try, for the 3rd time today to catch him. Until next time. OH and here's my new spectacles:
I finally got home tonight after a busy day of appointments and to watch my biggest guilty pleasure, the Wendy William's show and she was doing a commentary on the pregnant and dating show. She doesn't like it and I agree, I don't like it either. I watched two episodes and was bored out of my mind. Also, unlike moi, I tend to tell guys right away that I'm pregnant....let's get that pink elephant out of the room. These girls aren't saying anything until the 3rd or 4th date. I would be up in arms finding that information out so late, but ahhh who am I kidding, I haven't gone out on a date in over a month.
With that reminder, here I am.
Earlier this week, my son and I had our eye exams. Now, I speak very highly of my optometrist. I've been seeing him faithfully for...well most of my life. I've always had glasses and even in my teenage years, going for my appointment was like Christmas. I'd count down the days and be as giggly as a school girl when that time came. Did I mention he is gorgeous? Maybe that's why I always had an interest in the eye field.
In 2011, I had a decision to make. I was off on maternity leave for my first son and had to make the decision to go back to work at my boring factory job, OR go to school. I chose the latter at the time. I did all the paperwork and decided to become an optician, someone who helps you pick out your glasses and makes the lenses for you. Here's the catch, the only school was 4 hours away in Canada. I live in a border city and a school in the United States offered the same program...at only 2 hours away. I picked out my classes to be 3 days a week all day to make my trip worth it then Canada Post decided to go on strike. My student VISA was stuck in the mail. We all need money to survive, so I took that as a higher power telling me to go back to work so I did...the VISA came 2 weeks later but it was too late. Classes had already started.
Ok, I'm getting off topic here, back to my dreamy optometrist. He knew I had wanted to go to school to be an optician and had asked how it was going, 2 inches from my face. I broke the news that it didn't work out and he seemed so sad. He knew of my interest in the field and it kinda served as a reminder of how much my life has changed and how my dreams are not being fulfilled.
During my son's exam, toddlers as they often are, was not being very co-operative. After trying everything in his power to get my son to look at him (guess who's gonna need glasses probably for school) he makes up his charts and makes the comment that his daughter and my son were born on the same day. I found myself automatically looking for a ring. It never once occurred to me that this guy may have been married, let alone have kids.
In this day and age, I'm finding most people aren't wearing their wedding rings anymore. I was guilty of it too. Being a blue collar worker, I wasn't allowed to wear my rings at work so they often stayed in my jewelry box, where they still sit today. During happier times, my ex and I had gone to the lake with our son and while swimming, his slipped off his finger and we just never replaced it. We talked about it, but never really got around to it.
My father who is also a blue collar worker, never wears his for the exact same reason, he can't at work. So, if you don't go around wearing a sign saying "HEY I'M SINGLE" how do you know? You hear about people meeting in the grocery store, or at the bars but without that ring, how do you know you're not dealing with someone who has a wife and kids at home? I guess you just don't.
Ok, there is a damn kitten outside my window driving me nuts so I'm going to go try, for the 3rd time today to catch him. Until next time. OH and here's my new spectacles:
Thursday, July 18, 2013
My thoughts: Table for one please!
Again, I'm going to try to write out this post on my mother's tablet. Already I want to throw it out the window. I prefer to write out my blogs in complete silence, but with a 90 degree house and an a/c not working, beggars can't be choosers - they have central air.
Solomangarephobia - the fear of dining alone. Recently, a couple of my friends and I went on an assignment of sorts. Could we actually dine alone in an establishment and tell the tale? I joked that they were a bigger person than I if they could, for I couldn't but the more I thought about it, all the memories came flooding back of the times where I have.
I remember clearly my first time. I was sent on an assignment from my workplace to a different city 3 hours away. You can only take hotel room food for so long and I was there for approximately 4 months. I decided to put my big girl panties on and go to a relatively popular pub of sorts. It was during the supper rush and this was not in the smart phone days.
"How many?"
"Just me."
"Follow me"
Luckily they put me in the corner and I don't think I ate so fast in my life. I couldn't just play on my phone but I should've brought reading material. I felt judged, like I was the giant loser in the restaurant who couldn't find a date but in reality, my date was my work. After all, they were paying for it.
You watch in movies where the girl, beautiful as can be is sitting on the patio with her perfectly groomed yellow lab eating her lunch and drinking a martini. She's minding her own business, reading her book and in comes a handsome fellow they sit and chat and she dreams of the life they'll spend together.
OK, I'll admit I got that from a toothpaste commericial but does that actually happen? I can't ever remember hearing how two people met, eating dinner alone.
I have done breakfast alone in a diner and I have to admit it was awkward. It was a diner my ex and I visited frequently. Luckily, the owners must have known of my situation for they never asked where he was. I decided to follow the advice of my divorce book (ironic they're giving dating advice) and sit at the bar. People are more inclined to talk to you there, rather than a booth. I sat and ate my breakfast and was on my way with no numbers....and no visions of a life like the toothpaste commericial said.
Recently, one of my friends decided to go on a dining out adventure of her own. She is not single but had a real hankering for sushi. She decided to go to the place her man and her visit often and this woman has more balls than me - it was an all you can eat establishment. Maybe because she's a twig but as a woman with some junk in her trunk, to me that'd be the ultimate judgement. I've gone to buffets before and have seen single people and never blinked twice. Why is it I feel I'd be completely judged?
I'd love to go to restaurants I've never been, even to maybe one that charges $30 for a salad. Dress myself to the nines and have a night on the town. Just me and the city, maybe even hit up a movie but I'm not there just yet. My city's and I's relationship is still new and even though we've seen these people in public I'm still afraid to be judged.
Solomangarephobia - the fear of dining alone. Recently, a couple of my friends and I went on an assignment of sorts. Could we actually dine alone in an establishment and tell the tale? I joked that they were a bigger person than I if they could, for I couldn't but the more I thought about it, all the memories came flooding back of the times where I have.
I remember clearly my first time. I was sent on an assignment from my workplace to a different city 3 hours away. You can only take hotel room food for so long and I was there for approximately 4 months. I decided to put my big girl panties on and go to a relatively popular pub of sorts. It was during the supper rush and this was not in the smart phone days.
"How many?"
"Just me."
"Follow me"
Luckily they put me in the corner and I don't think I ate so fast in my life. I couldn't just play on my phone but I should've brought reading material. I felt judged, like I was the giant loser in the restaurant who couldn't find a date but in reality, my date was my work. After all, they were paying for it.
You watch in movies where the girl, beautiful as can be is sitting on the patio with her perfectly groomed yellow lab eating her lunch and drinking a martini. She's minding her own business, reading her book and in comes a handsome fellow they sit and chat and she dreams of the life they'll spend together.
OK, I'll admit I got that from a toothpaste commericial but does that actually happen? I can't ever remember hearing how two people met, eating dinner alone.
I have done breakfast alone in a diner and I have to admit it was awkward. It was a diner my ex and I visited frequently. Luckily, the owners must have known of my situation for they never asked where he was. I decided to follow the advice of my divorce book (ironic they're giving dating advice) and sit at the bar. People are more inclined to talk to you there, rather than a booth. I sat and ate my breakfast and was on my way with no numbers....and no visions of a life like the toothpaste commericial said.
Recently, one of my friends decided to go on a dining out adventure of her own. She is not single but had a real hankering for sushi. She decided to go to the place her man and her visit often and this woman has more balls than me - it was an all you can eat establishment. Maybe because she's a twig but as a woman with some junk in her trunk, to me that'd be the ultimate judgement. I've gone to buffets before and have seen single people and never blinked twice. Why is it I feel I'd be completely judged?
I'd love to go to restaurants I've never been, even to maybe one that charges $30 for a salad. Dress myself to the nines and have a night on the town. Just me and the city, maybe even hit up a movie but I'm not there just yet. My city's and I's relationship is still new and even though we've seen these people in public I'm still afraid to be judged.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
My Thoughts: Dating and Social Media
I love my friends, they really help me get topics rolling. I was stuck on what to write this week, nothing really happening on this front. The biggest dates I've had were with the most cutest boy on the planet, but at the end of the night, we're reading elmo books and I'm changing his bum. I had thought about even doing a book report on a new book I'm reading called: "Not your mother's divorce" but I'm having a hard time getting through it, it's really opening up some wounds.
I have a couple ladies who are also new to the dating scene and often come for advice and I have no problem shelling it out. We're all new at this and we're not in highschool again. The "I like you, do you like me? Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend" just doesn't fly. It's become this giant complicated dance that if you step on the other person's toes, you're likely to get the door shut in your face.
We're in the years of social media, and here's my thoughts on two subjects: Facebook and texting.
Facebook
Ok so a new guy comes in your life. You go on a date, it goes well and you're all of the sudden sending Facebook friend requests. In my opinion, this is a giant no-no. I've had some dates ask if I had Facebook and usually I respond with "Yes, but I'm never on it" (Lies, I live on the damn thing) or "No". Do I have something to hide? Well, no not really. (besides this blog, that'd be awkward them reading my thoughts on the date) but I prefer to keep my social and dating life separate.
Facebook has created an atmosphere that we're able to share everything, pictures, stories, status comments and you can get to know anyone usually by their facebook. Now, if I find out a last name or an email I can hit up your account and, if you don't keep it locked up:
-You went to a certain school
-Your best friend is named Joe
-Fluffy died yesterday
-Kid's pictures
Ah, the kid pictures. I have a TON of my son on my facebook. But here's the thing, I don't want to know what your kid looks like just yet. That's the biggest turn off when I'm looking at a profile on the dating site. To me, it's advertising. I don't want to know what yours look like, and I'm sure as hell not pulling out pictures of mine during the first date. It kinda reminds me of this:
I have a couple ladies who are also new to the dating scene and often come for advice and I have no problem shelling it out. We're all new at this and we're not in highschool again. The "I like you, do you like me? Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend" just doesn't fly. It's become this giant complicated dance that if you step on the other person's toes, you're likely to get the door shut in your face.
We're in the years of social media, and here's my thoughts on two subjects: Facebook and texting.
Ok so a new guy comes in your life. You go on a date, it goes well and you're all of the sudden sending Facebook friend requests. In my opinion, this is a giant no-no. I've had some dates ask if I had Facebook and usually I respond with "Yes, but I'm never on it" (Lies, I live on the damn thing) or "No". Do I have something to hide? Well, no not really. (besides this blog, that'd be awkward them reading my thoughts on the date) but I prefer to keep my social and dating life separate.
Facebook has created an atmosphere that we're able to share everything, pictures, stories, status comments and you can get to know anyone usually by their facebook. Now, if I find out a last name or an email I can hit up your account and, if you don't keep it locked up:
-You went to a certain school
-Your best friend is named Joe
-Fluffy died yesterday
-Kid's pictures
Ah, the kid pictures. I have a TON of my son on my facebook. But here's the thing, I don't want to know what your kid looks like just yet. That's the biggest turn off when I'm looking at a profile on the dating site. To me, it's advertising. I don't want to know what yours look like, and I'm sure as hell not pulling out pictures of mine during the first date. It kinda reminds me of this:
Plus, you go on a date and of course one of the questions is: "How'd your day go? How'd your weekend go?" Well, if you're like me, I keep that stuff pretty up to date so in reality, you know exactly how my day went and you know that fluffy died yesterday. We now have nothing to talk about.
Eventually, maybe when you become an official couple you can be on each other's facebook and make it 'facebook official' but during the getting to know process, your life is your life and my life is my life.
(Quick note, if they do add you and you don't want to be mean and deny, facebook has this little option called 'restricted lists'. It allows people to only see what the general public see [pending how you have it set up] and they're still considered your friend. It's great also when going through a break-up and you don't want to stir drama by deleting your ex's family and friends)
Texting
I love texting. It's a great tool. You can keep in contact with someone all day, get to know them better and you're still on another side of a screen. But again, there is a line to be drawn.
A friend of mine went on a date and here comes the problem with texting:
"We texted all day, and we went on the date, we really had nothing to talk about; it became extremely awkward"
I had become victim of this before as well, you like the guy and you want to talk to him all day. You're head over heels and just cannot wait to see their face again, however there is such a thing as 'too much' texting and it's one of the hardest things to overcome.
Remember Landon? Well we know how that turned out, but before his craziness appeared, we talked ALL the time. Then we went on the date and poof, it was the same conversation over again. Booooring.
So what do I recommend? A quick "hey hope you're having a good day" once a day is sufficient. Keep yourself in their mind but don't overdue it. Especially if you're new to the scene again. Also, keep in mind, once you've already texted them, don't continue to. Wait for their response. If they don't respond.... "They're just not that into you"
Thursday, July 4, 2013
The Crush
I think everyone secretly has a crush. Doesn't matter if your married, single, there's always that one person who makes you go 'daaaaaammmmn' Whether or not you act on it, there's the difference.
I met my crush many many moons ago, through friends I don't really talk to anymore. We partied and always had a good time, he did have his bad side though partying. He would drink too much and just cause havok.
He had always been a tortured soul and I've seen him fall in love and just drop to his knees when it didn't work out. I always felt bad for him, he was such SUCH a sweet guy and the looks were in his favour. I never understood why these girls would drop him like a sack of potatoes, and maybe I never will.
He lives in the same town as I do and would always honk and wave whenever I saw him about. Today, I ran into him at the local grocery store. It sounds terrible but I almost forgot he existed. My eyes lit right up when I saw him and wasted no time catching up. I was very quick to tell him of my new-found single life and hell, why not drop the pregnancy ball while I was there. Maybe I was looking for empathy, maybe I was looking for support...who knows, I really gotta work on these things.
He kept telling me how sorry he was to hear about everything's that happened. Here I am twirling my hair, smiling wayyyy too much while informing him of my shit life. HA.
We kept kinda running into each other in each aisle and yes at the icecream aisle, I asked if he was still single. I chalked it up to "hey last time I talked to you, you were dating [insert name here]. You guys still together?" I knew FULL WELL they weren't, hell, my ex went to his house to console him when they broke up. (When I say console, I mean drink their faces off), but it was my way of trying to find out if he was single. Pretty sneaky eh? He told me nope, he's single now just living day by day.
I also asked him if he was still up to his crazy ways. I've seen this guy fall through a window once hammered. He told me he's cleaned up and that person is gone. He just wants to settle down....*swooon*
He asked how my son was, I told him he was taking the break-up hard. WHY DO I KEEP BRINGING THIS UP?! MY God woman! You want this guy, stop talking about it! You could be saying 'oh he's learning to count, knows most of his colours, but nooooooo' And that he was going to be 3 next month. He started asking me how my job was going...again, nothing good to say, I'm off on injury. I quickly said our goodbyes because I felt like a giant asshole and would totally rewind that entire conversation if I could.
However, I did tell him I missed hanging out with him and if he's ever in the neighbourhood, to stop on by. He said 'alright' however, we have invited this guy out so many times and he never shows up so I'm not banking my luck on it.
Until next time.....I'll have to start working on my social skills.
I met my crush many many moons ago, through friends I don't really talk to anymore. We partied and always had a good time, he did have his bad side though partying. He would drink too much and just cause havok.
He had always been a tortured soul and I've seen him fall in love and just drop to his knees when it didn't work out. I always felt bad for him, he was such SUCH a sweet guy and the looks were in his favour. I never understood why these girls would drop him like a sack of potatoes, and maybe I never will.
He lives in the same town as I do and would always honk and wave whenever I saw him about. Today, I ran into him at the local grocery store. It sounds terrible but I almost forgot he existed. My eyes lit right up when I saw him and wasted no time catching up. I was very quick to tell him of my new-found single life and hell, why not drop the pregnancy ball while I was there. Maybe I was looking for empathy, maybe I was looking for support...who knows, I really gotta work on these things.
He kept telling me how sorry he was to hear about everything's that happened. Here I am twirling my hair, smiling wayyyy too much while informing him of my shit life. HA.
We kept kinda running into each other in each aisle and yes at the icecream aisle, I asked if he was still single. I chalked it up to "hey last time I talked to you, you were dating [insert name here]. You guys still together?" I knew FULL WELL they weren't, hell, my ex went to his house to console him when they broke up. (When I say console, I mean drink their faces off), but it was my way of trying to find out if he was single. Pretty sneaky eh? He told me nope, he's single now just living day by day.
I also asked him if he was still up to his crazy ways. I've seen this guy fall through a window once hammered. He told me he's cleaned up and that person is gone. He just wants to settle down....*swooon*
He asked how my son was, I told him he was taking the break-up hard. WHY DO I KEEP BRINGING THIS UP?! MY God woman! You want this guy, stop talking about it! You could be saying 'oh he's learning to count, knows most of his colours, but nooooooo' And that he was going to be 3 next month. He started asking me how my job was going...again, nothing good to say, I'm off on injury. I quickly said our goodbyes because I felt like a giant asshole and would totally rewind that entire conversation if I could.
However, I did tell him I missed hanging out with him and if he's ever in the neighbourhood, to stop on by. He said 'alright' however, we have invited this guy out so many times and he never shows up so I'm not banking my luck on it.
Until next time.....I'll have to start working on my social skills.
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