I was really hesitant writing about this, for it's going to probably cause me a shit ton of drama but it's an obstacle that most dating single parents may face.
If you may recall a couple weeks ago, stranger danger first met my 3 year old son during a 'toliet fixing' fiasco. When he arrived, I simply stated "#1 this is my friend *insert real name here*" and that mostly was it. #1 was immediately attached to his leg and would not let him be to do what he came over to do. While we were sitting on the couch, SD made a comment along the lines of "I'm going to get mommy!" and #1 exclaims..."That's MY mommy, you're dad"
*cue crickets chirping*
I wanted to pretend I didn't hear what my child just said, so, that's the route I took. Maybe he said bad, maybe he thought his name was Tad.... so I didn't address it. After about an hour of them goofing off and doing 'boy' things (aka rough housing, I don't rough house...I'm a delicate flower) again, the 'dad' word came out. Yep, I couldn't pretend I didn't hear it, it was clear as a bell.
Later that night, SD and I were texting and I brought up the topic. SD felt that he was saying it as a statement, not as a name. Potentially, but my child is 3. He doesn't call his teacher's 'teacher' he calls them their names and even though he was introduced with SD's actual name, I couldn't figure out why he was so quick to put the label 'dad' on someone who was male, and a friend of his mother's.....ugh I can see the therapy bills already.
Normally in this situation, you would let the child choose what to call your significant other. I'm okay with SD's children calling me Kelly, for that's probably what they prefer but in the case of a small child, I could call SD chicken butt and he would legitimately believe that's his name. However, #1 has a dad already and I feel that my child isn't an appropriate age to make that decision on his own.
Personally, I don't want #1 or #2 for that matter being raised calling SD by his first name. I feel that it's giving them the impression that he's on their level. If SD is going to be apart of their lives on a regular basis, we could call him Uncle but what happens when he's in school? "Oh I live with mommy and uncle SD"... *cue banjo music*
We decided on a nickname, it was similarly close to his name and puts a more fun twist to his name. So, today I needed help moving some heavy objects and summoned my knight in shining armor. I told #1 specifically that "nickname of SD" (did I lose you yet?) was on his way. After helping me out, I put my children in the car and was standing outside saying my goodbyes. Again, my brain wanted to think my child was screaming BAH!! in the car but we all know he wasn't. Once I got in the car, #1 says to me "Mommy, I didn't get to say goodbye to Dad!" "#1, remember, his name is *nickname*" "No mommy, it's dad"
Aye.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Sunday, March 23, 2014
The Decision
Both my pregnancies were rough - there's no question about that. With #1, at 16 weeks I screwed up my sciatic nerve that it would go into random spasms so badly that I was taken off of work right away. Itty bitty baby.....oh man, he was ten times worse. I don't remember if I even went into what my injury was but here it goes, at 12 weeks pregnant, I threw my hips out of alignment. I couldn't walk without a cane (and it came with me for a couple of dates, especially with Stan) and I'm pretty sure my chiropractor count got into the double digits. Finally one helped me being able to walk on my own...and then #1 brought home Fifth Disease. If you don't know what Fifth disease is, basically it's just a rash that kid's get, it's transmitted like the chicken pox and really isn't a big deal...if you're not pregnant. Since I was pregnant, I had bloodwork done and in fact, I tested positive for exposure which threw me into "high risk" of the baby becoming anemic. I had bi-weekly ultrasounds and he didn't become anemic, however the baby is deaf in his left ear. We're not sure of the cause or why at this moment.
Clearly my body doesn't take pregnancies well, however I can say I never had morning sickness and I never looked pregnant at any given moment unless I put tight clothes on and even then, I just looked like I ate too many big macs. Because of this, I had decided I didn't want any more kids. In reality, I was okay to stop just at one. I was an only child and have been given so many opportunities that I feel, I may not have been given if I was competing with a sibling. When I informed my ex that I wanted just one, him being a twin and convinced it was hereditary for the males (the amount of twins on his side are insane) and biology tells us that's not possible, I'd still get the response of "well if you don't give me twins, someone else will".... you'd think that would be a red flag but you know...young and dumb.
I first introduced you to "Stranger Danger" in my last post and I'll give you some vague details. He has two boys of his own, older than mine, and had made the conscious decision to stop. He had himself altered and honestly, I had mixed feelings. I was happy I didn't have to worry about birth control anymore, happy that I didn't have to put my body through that again if he wanted more kids, but at the same time kinda sad. My two boys plus his two boys equals....four boys. I'd never get my little girl. Even though it's physically impossible to predict the sex before conception and even though we both have kids, I'd never be able to give him that gift from me...and that saddens me to an extent.
Sure we could adopt and I have brought up that conversation to him. I've been watching documentaries on Netflix about the gender problem that's happening in China and India. Everyone there wants boys, and so girls are either killed or abandoned. If you haven't watched them and want a good cry, the two were: "It's a girl" and "Somewhere In between". Adoption is extremely costly and because we'll be raising four boys together, I'm sure I'll be living at my local Costco. We could make it a "10 year goal" I'll be 38, he'll be 43 with the potential of one his boys living on their own, maybe even having kids of his own....did I just make you feel old there SD? lol. The youngest will be 10 and I feel adding a new addition to the family may not be the best decision out there.
As much as I'm in love with stranger and think that he's the most perfect guy on the planet for me, we don't know the future. I know I didn't plan on being a single mom of two kids and he probably didn't think he would be single with two kids as well. I don't want to be known as the woman with 3 kids, two baby daddies, and on the market again. I know Stranger would treat the situation a lot more different than my ex does but the thought really doesn't appeal to me.
So that's why the decision was made.
Clearly my body doesn't take pregnancies well, however I can say I never had morning sickness and I never looked pregnant at any given moment unless I put tight clothes on and even then, I just looked like I ate too many big macs. Because of this, I had decided I didn't want any more kids. In reality, I was okay to stop just at one. I was an only child and have been given so many opportunities that I feel, I may not have been given if I was competing with a sibling. When I informed my ex that I wanted just one, him being a twin and convinced it was hereditary for the males (the amount of twins on his side are insane) and biology tells us that's not possible, I'd still get the response of "well if you don't give me twins, someone else will".... you'd think that would be a red flag but you know...young and dumb.
I first introduced you to "Stranger Danger" in my last post and I'll give you some vague details. He has two boys of his own, older than mine, and had made the conscious decision to stop. He had himself altered and honestly, I had mixed feelings. I was happy I didn't have to worry about birth control anymore, happy that I didn't have to put my body through that again if he wanted more kids, but at the same time kinda sad. My two boys plus his two boys equals....four boys. I'd never get my little girl. Even though it's physically impossible to predict the sex before conception and even though we both have kids, I'd never be able to give him that gift from me...and that saddens me to an extent.
Sure we could adopt and I have brought up that conversation to him. I've been watching documentaries on Netflix about the gender problem that's happening in China and India. Everyone there wants boys, and so girls are either killed or abandoned. If you haven't watched them and want a good cry, the two were: "It's a girl" and "Somewhere In between". Adoption is extremely costly and because we'll be raising four boys together, I'm sure I'll be living at my local Costco. We could make it a "10 year goal" I'll be 38, he'll be 43 with the potential of one his boys living on their own, maybe even having kids of his own....did I just make you feel old there SD? lol. The youngest will be 10 and I feel adding a new addition to the family may not be the best decision out there.
As much as I'm in love with stranger and think that he's the most perfect guy on the planet for me, we don't know the future. I know I didn't plan on being a single mom of two kids and he probably didn't think he would be single with two kids as well. I don't want to be known as the woman with 3 kids, two baby daddies, and on the market again. I know Stranger would treat the situation a lot more different than my ex does but the thought really doesn't appeal to me.
So that's why the decision was made.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Ask me anything..
Well it's been a while......ok like 4 months and I know quite a few of you wondered where I went. Well to say it's complicated would be the understatement of the year. So here's some answers to your questions:
Where the hell did you go?
I'm still here! Alive and with two kiddies now.
How's life with 2 kiddos?
You know to be completely honest, itty bitty baby is the best baby on the planet. He has slept through the night since day one and the transition from 1 to 2 kiddos went pretty well. Child # 1 absolutely adores him. I probably will kick myself for saying that, considering we've now entered into teething session....woot.
Are you still dating?
I can officially say I am off the market! I will get into that later on though.
How's your injury?
I'm not 100% back to normal but I'd say 90. I still have bad days and then I go and cry to my chiro and he makes me all better.
If you're not dating, what are you doing with your spare time?
Well back in November, my mom purchased a store here in my local town. Since I'm on parental leave from my other job, I go and help her out...everyday....8 hours a day.
Where does itty bitty baby go?!
He comes with me! The joys of family owned business...and good babies, everyday is bring your child to work day.
How's the relationship between you and your ex?
Honestly and I am throwing this on the table right now, it'd be 1000% better if his girlfriend stopped her spying and breaking the law ways. I won't go into grave detail...but she likes to commit felonies and no doubt, I'll give it an hour after I publish this to get a phone call reeming me out.
Are you and Pic still friends?
Absolutely! We actually went skating a couple weekends back...no blogger material though.
In "Rumour has it" you said there was a rumour you weren't going to address, will you now?
Sure why not. Ex's g/f heard through "a friend of a friend of a friend" (read between the lines, she likes to make shit up) that itty bitty baby was actually Stan's baby. Now I'm going to do a little bit of math here and I got pregnant January 20th, 2013. Now Stan and I started hanging out in April....hmm and I guess we're also missing the fact that you usually have to do deeds to get pregnant and Stan and I didn't do deeds...so, you'd think that would clear that up...clearly not.
Has your ex finally accepted itty bitty baby as his?
Yes he has.
Have you done deeds with any other of your dates?
I know this is an ask me anything session...but my mom reads this, moving along.
Do you still run into "The Crush"?
I do every once in a while, we do our small chat thing and continue on in our day. He's really letting himself go though.
We want to hear about the new man!
Alright fine, it started like any other dating session and it broke all of my rules...we chatted till the wee morning hours and again all day the next and I REALLY needed to meet him, that's not like me at all. He was cute, knew how to spell, had a career, had a car, had a house, he was separated, had kids of his own so CLEARLY this guy was bat shit crazy right?
Anyways, he was childless one sunday afternoon however, I was not and itty bitty baby was 5 weeks old (keep that number in mind). Child # 1 had just gone down for his nap and I let this guy to my house. Looking back and I tell him this all the time...I am nuts. I remember thinking as he walked to the door that "Oh my God I'm crazy, what if this guy is a psycho, what if he kills you and your children, where's the phone?! Ok, 911 ready to go if needed...Kelly you're nuts you're nuts you're nuts." DON'T DO WHAT I DID.
We sit on my couch and make chit chat. I tried breast feeding itty bitty baby but my stint in the ER made me dry up so I sat on the couch, with my 5 week old, feeding him a bottle, on my first date with this guy. Sooo classy. Baby goes to sleep and I remember getting up to put him in his swing and the MINUTE that child was strapped in, stranger danger here grabs my waste and starts making out with me hardcore. That's what we'll know him as...stranger danger.
Stranger danger was a great kisser...unfortunately, he had a 5 o'clock shadow going on and I had the BIGGEST whisker burn within 5 minutes. Now, anyone who's had a baby knows that you can't do deeds until at least 6 weeks but I would've if I could! Would that have changed anything? I asked him that and he still says he would've dated me..psycho lol.
Will we hear more about him?
Um it's hard to say. He knows about this blog and I promised not to write about him. There's actually a good legitimate reason behind it and I respect his wishes. However a whole whack load of issues in the parenting department have come up and I thought about writing about them but, I don't know. I'll show him this post and I'll see if I overstepped my boundaries.
Has child #1 met him yet?
Actually for the first time this week they had their first encounter. I did NOT want him to meet child #1 right away, for child #1 gets attached extremely easily. However, this has been the most ridiculous winter on the planet here and my toilet line froze. My dad has been working crazy hours since his work is pulling out of the area and just couldn't help, so stranger danger came to the rescue.
What do your friends think of him?
Well, to be completely honest, stranger danger and I have extremely busy schedules. We barely see each other more than twice a week for 20 minutes at a time. We have coffee together during our lunches and we might see each other for an hour on the weekend. To plan a date seems to take a month in advance notice...and even then it got cancelled/rescheduled 3 times on both our parts. It's tough! So to answer that question, my friends have not met him.
Well, I hope that answers everything!
Goodnight.
Where the hell did you go?
I'm still here! Alive and with two kiddies now.
How's life with 2 kiddos?
You know to be completely honest, itty bitty baby is the best baby on the planet. He has slept through the night since day one and the transition from 1 to 2 kiddos went pretty well. Child # 1 absolutely adores him. I probably will kick myself for saying that, considering we've now entered into teething session....woot.
Are you still dating?
I can officially say I am off the market! I will get into that later on though.
How's your injury?
I'm not 100% back to normal but I'd say 90. I still have bad days and then I go and cry to my chiro and he makes me all better.
If you're not dating, what are you doing with your spare time?
Well back in November, my mom purchased a store here in my local town. Since I'm on parental leave from my other job, I go and help her out...everyday....8 hours a day.
Where does itty bitty baby go?!
He comes with me! The joys of family owned business...and good babies, everyday is bring your child to work day.
How's the relationship between you and your ex?
Honestly and I am throwing this on the table right now, it'd be 1000% better if his girlfriend stopped her spying and breaking the law ways. I won't go into grave detail...but she likes to commit felonies and no doubt, I'll give it an hour after I publish this to get a phone call reeming me out.
Are you and Pic still friends?
Absolutely! We actually went skating a couple weekends back...no blogger material though.
In "Rumour has it" you said there was a rumour you weren't going to address, will you now?
Sure why not. Ex's g/f heard through "a friend of a friend of a friend" (read between the lines, she likes to make shit up) that itty bitty baby was actually Stan's baby. Now I'm going to do a little bit of math here and I got pregnant January 20th, 2013. Now Stan and I started hanging out in April....hmm and I guess we're also missing the fact that you usually have to do deeds to get pregnant and Stan and I didn't do deeds...so, you'd think that would clear that up...clearly not.
Has your ex finally accepted itty bitty baby as his?
Yes he has.
Have you done deeds with any other of your dates?
I know this is an ask me anything session...but my mom reads this, moving along.
Do you still run into "The Crush"?
I do every once in a while, we do our small chat thing and continue on in our day. He's really letting himself go though.
We want to hear about the new man!
Alright fine, it started like any other dating session and it broke all of my rules...we chatted till the wee morning hours and again all day the next and I REALLY needed to meet him, that's not like me at all. He was cute, knew how to spell, had a career, had a car, had a house, he was separated, had kids of his own so CLEARLY this guy was bat shit crazy right?
Anyways, he was childless one sunday afternoon however, I was not and itty bitty baby was 5 weeks old (keep that number in mind). Child # 1 had just gone down for his nap and I let this guy to my house. Looking back and I tell him this all the time...I am nuts. I remember thinking as he walked to the door that "Oh my God I'm crazy, what if this guy is a psycho, what if he kills you and your children, where's the phone?! Ok, 911 ready to go if needed...Kelly you're nuts you're nuts you're nuts." DON'T DO WHAT I DID.
We sit on my couch and make chit chat. I tried breast feeding itty bitty baby but my stint in the ER made me dry up so I sat on the couch, with my 5 week old, feeding him a bottle, on my first date with this guy. Sooo classy. Baby goes to sleep and I remember getting up to put him in his swing and the MINUTE that child was strapped in, stranger danger here grabs my waste and starts making out with me hardcore. That's what we'll know him as...stranger danger.
Stranger danger was a great kisser...unfortunately, he had a 5 o'clock shadow going on and I had the BIGGEST whisker burn within 5 minutes. Now, anyone who's had a baby knows that you can't do deeds until at least 6 weeks but I would've if I could! Would that have changed anything? I asked him that and he still says he would've dated me..psycho lol.
Will we hear more about him?
Um it's hard to say. He knows about this blog and I promised not to write about him. There's actually a good legitimate reason behind it and I respect his wishes. However a whole whack load of issues in the parenting department have come up and I thought about writing about them but, I don't know. I'll show him this post and I'll see if I overstepped my boundaries.
Has child #1 met him yet?
Actually for the first time this week they had their first encounter. I did NOT want him to meet child #1 right away, for child #1 gets attached extremely easily. However, this has been the most ridiculous winter on the planet here and my toilet line froze. My dad has been working crazy hours since his work is pulling out of the area and just couldn't help, so stranger danger came to the rescue.
What do your friends think of him?
Well, to be completely honest, stranger danger and I have extremely busy schedules. We barely see each other more than twice a week for 20 minutes at a time. We have coffee together during our lunches and we might see each other for an hour on the weekend. To plan a date seems to take a month in advance notice...and even then it got cancelled/rescheduled 3 times on both our parts. It's tough! So to answer that question, my friends have not met him.
Well, I hope that answers everything!
Goodnight.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Pregnant No More (The complete and vivid explanation of what happened the weekend of October 11th)
It's been almost two months since my last post and I feel like I should give everyone an update.
If you know me personally you'll know that baby number two has been born. To say everything went smoothly would be untrue. We'll get to that later.
From September 13th (my last post) to October 11th, my life went to a stand still. My house started to look like pinterest threw up in it and I was mostly focused on making sure the transition between going from a family of 2 to 3 would be smooth. My only dates were with a 3 year old, boys could wait.
On the night of October 10th, my mom got the phone call that it was time to go, my water broke. As a smoker, I grabbed my bags and sat outside and just tried to prepare myself of what was to come. She drove like a bat out of hell, completely taken aback that I was just sitting there, cigarette in hand, waiting. We dropped off little man to the babysitter, whom I had just seen a half hour prior and off we went.
4 hours later, there he was. The little itty bitty baby who I had shared so many new experiences with. Little did he know, he was there through it all. The ups, the downs, the secret tears I shed, the anger to what had happened, the drama, he was there.
I had continued to feel strong contractions after everything was said and done and had given my nurse a head's up. She said it was normal and everything was fine. After my epidural had worn off, my bed felt wet and I had asked my mom to call the nurse. They took one look under the blanket and all hell broke loose. Nurses were screaming for Doctor's and I was warned I was going to feel an extensive amount of pain but there was no time for pain meds. After I'm pretty sure what felt like the doctor's both arms and hell maybe even a leg up my poor lady parts, they said everything was caught in time and I'll be fine. WRONG. There's many theories of why my hemorrhaging happened, from everything to bad karma (yes, you can take a wild guess who said that) to the fact they used forcepts to take out my placenta, the world may never know.
I was told afterwards I was extremely pale when I got home but I felt completely fine. 100% (in my mind) back to normal. I was sitting fine and didn't have to deal with any stitches this time around (Thanks child #1). However, less than 24 hours later, I was at a family function and one minute I was parading around my new baby, the next I was hovered over in pain and could not physically move. I asked my mom to call an ambulance and that was the longest 20 minute wait of my life. After taking my blood pressure and it was falling dangerously low, I was considered "hot" and was rushed back to the hospital. I think we should all take a minute though and ask the Harper government TO INSTALL BETTER SHOCKS ON OUR AMBULANCES. Every bump caused me to scream out, and we did 80 km/h down Walker Road construction. I thought I was going to bounce off the gurney.
I was thrown right into a private room in the ER and had a great nurse named Anthony. Even in distress I couldn't help but admire his smile and thought about asking if he was single. However, he did know I was post partum and well, this was not the time for explanations of my situation. An ultrasound had concluded that I still had a massive blood clot in my uterus and was still experiencing massive hemorrhaging. To summarize my 24 hours there: I had to get 2 bags of blood, LOTS of morphine, 4 pills where no one should have anything put up, the worst pee of my life, and if you're in the ER on thanksgiving weekend, you're going to have a bad time listening to people puking.
Finally, I was released and given a wack load of pills, antibiotics, pain meds, you name it. I was home to my babies and have been ever since. It was quite the eye opener of a weekend and in a way, this did not shock me. Little bitty baby had to make sure his birth was remembered and trust me, it definitely will be.
If you know me personally you'll know that baby number two has been born. To say everything went smoothly would be untrue. We'll get to that later.
From September 13th (my last post) to October 11th, my life went to a stand still. My house started to look like pinterest threw up in it and I was mostly focused on making sure the transition between going from a family of 2 to 3 would be smooth. My only dates were with a 3 year old, boys could wait.
On the night of October 10th, my mom got the phone call that it was time to go, my water broke. As a smoker, I grabbed my bags and sat outside and just tried to prepare myself of what was to come. She drove like a bat out of hell, completely taken aback that I was just sitting there, cigarette in hand, waiting. We dropped off little man to the babysitter, whom I had just seen a half hour prior and off we went.
4 hours later, there he was. The little itty bitty baby who I had shared so many new experiences with. Little did he know, he was there through it all. The ups, the downs, the secret tears I shed, the anger to what had happened, the drama, he was there.
I had continued to feel strong contractions after everything was said and done and had given my nurse a head's up. She said it was normal and everything was fine. After my epidural had worn off, my bed felt wet and I had asked my mom to call the nurse. They took one look under the blanket and all hell broke loose. Nurses were screaming for Doctor's and I was warned I was going to feel an extensive amount of pain but there was no time for pain meds. After I'm pretty sure what felt like the doctor's both arms and hell maybe even a leg up my poor lady parts, they said everything was caught in time and I'll be fine. WRONG. There's many theories of why my hemorrhaging happened, from everything to bad karma (yes, you can take a wild guess who said that) to the fact they used forcepts to take out my placenta, the world may never know.
I was told afterwards I was extremely pale when I got home but I felt completely fine. 100% (in my mind) back to normal. I was sitting fine and didn't have to deal with any stitches this time around (Thanks child #1). However, less than 24 hours later, I was at a family function and one minute I was parading around my new baby, the next I was hovered over in pain and could not physically move. I asked my mom to call an ambulance and that was the longest 20 minute wait of my life. After taking my blood pressure and it was falling dangerously low, I was considered "hot" and was rushed back to the hospital. I think we should all take a minute though and ask the Harper government TO INSTALL BETTER SHOCKS ON OUR AMBULANCES. Every bump caused me to scream out, and we did 80 km/h down Walker Road construction. I thought I was going to bounce off the gurney.
I was thrown right into a private room in the ER and had a great nurse named Anthony. Even in distress I couldn't help but admire his smile and thought about asking if he was single. However, he did know I was post partum and well, this was not the time for explanations of my situation. An ultrasound had concluded that I still had a massive blood clot in my uterus and was still experiencing massive hemorrhaging. To summarize my 24 hours there: I had to get 2 bags of blood, LOTS of morphine, 4 pills where no one should have anything put up, the worst pee of my life, and if you're in the ER on thanksgiving weekend, you're going to have a bad time listening to people puking.
Finally, I was released and given a wack load of pills, antibiotics, pain meds, you name it. I was home to my babies and have been ever since. It was quite the eye opener of a weekend and in a way, this did not shock me. Little bitty baby had to make sure his birth was remembered and trust me, it definitely will be.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Flirtation or Just Being Polite?
I wonder if yesterday was the 13th for me. Apparently my bad luck runs a day ahead. I woke up in the morning, took a shower, got dressed and off I went to my baby doctor appointment. In a hospital full of people I made my way to my appointment, ran into my uncle in the lobby, and to the store I went. From the store I picked up my son from my parents and off to have lunch at a friend's house. There did I learn that I had spent the entire day with my maternity pants on backwards. In my defense, there was a tag in the front and in the back and if you've ever seen maternity pants, everything is just for looks...there is no zipper, just spandex.
My son went down for his nap and after he woke up and started running around, I came to the realization that his were on backwards as well. We were a hot mess yesterday! Ok, moving along...
Over the past couple months, I have taken notes of scenarios that have happened to me and some are quite obvious that it was just politeness but in a world where politeness is now so scarce, are we mixing it for flirtation?
The first two scenarios happened with older men and I really feel they set the bar in terms of being polite, helpful and kind. Maybe it's because of an older generation and they were taught to be polite with everyone, but what about my generation? What the hell happened?
1) I was visiting a friend and on my way home my check oil light came on. Weird, I wasn't due for another oil change for at least a month and because I don't go anywhere, I wasn't at all near my kilometers. I pulled up to the local gas station and thankfully because I've had my fair share of beaters, checking oil is like second nature. Low and behold my car wasn't lying, she was almost run dry. I waddle my way into the store, grab some oil and on my way back a man approached me and asked if I needed help. I graciously thanked him but informed him I had it under control. He made small chat as I proceeded to add oil and I again thanked him for his offer and away I went. Here's the catch, there were two other men about my age whom didn't even blink and eye the minute I popped my hood. Maybe because they saw the other gentleman approach me or maybe because female independence is so high that, they don't offer anymore.
2) There was a steam engine show happening in the next town. I figured I have a son, boys like tractors, this would be a smash hit and I'd probably get some blogging material. What I didn't realize is most of these men were already dipping into their retirement plans. It was around lunch time and for some reason, the smell of burgers mixed with caramelized onions was just heavenly and baby # 2 was making it quite known that he wanted some and he wanted some now. Onward bound to the pavilion we go and after waiting for what seemed like forever for our food, it was time to find a place to sit however, every single picnic table was taken. I felt like Forrest Gump on his first bus ride with trying to find a spot to sit. Towards the end of the pavilion a couple of older gentlemen whom I would actually give my seat to, stood up and said "Ma'am, you and that tyke come sit here, we don't bite". So they all squished together and my son and I sat and chit chatted with them, thanked them and were on our way. Now, would that have happened if these gentlemen were my age? I'm going to go ahead and say probably not. These two scenarios were obviously the far right handed polite spectrum but the next two....well, you be the judge.
3) We all know what happened the last time I ran into "the crush". I was able to go down a path that I have never done and get his phone number. Ah, such a powerful moment and one that I am still quite proud of myself with. However what you don't know is well, crush doesn't like to respond to text messages. Twice I have invited him out to events, twice I've gotten no response. I could just be like any normal person and call him to see if I got a fake phone number but the mystery behind it all is kinda what keeps the suspense going...if there is any suspense. So, here in lies the issue, was he being polite by giving me A phone number or was he actually flirting and decided that a preggo isn't something he wants to deal with at the moment. I kinda wouldn't blame him for the second option there because lets be honest here, even I don't want to deal with me sometimes. So, the moral of the story here is, if you give a person of the opposite gender and who is single your phone number, are you being polite or are you being flirtatious?
4) I have a friend who wanted me to meet this REALLY nice guy and I had an opportunity to a couple weekends back. I was excited/nervous because well, it was kinda a blind date set up that he wasn't aware of which was kind of nice because that awkwardness wasn't going to be there. We were at a party and decided to play dodgeball in the pool...well kinda. Mostly it was just throwing a ball back and forth and aiming to splash people in the face...hey, who decided that was a great game to play ladies that were there? Anyways so I become said boy's partner and every time he'd get the ball he'd always hand it off to me if I didn't have one. Also at one point he made the comment that "I was his favourite partner" (there was another male in the pool before me playing) and I responded with an "oh really? *giggle*...God I'm gay. Anyways, we made small chit chat later that night, where I learned what he did for a living, he learned what I do but the party was dying down and it was time to go.
I facebook messaged him (I know, big no no in my books however, I didn't friend request him) the next day stating that it was nice to meet him and I had a lot of fun the night before. Facebook is a tattle tale and will tell you when people read messages and he read mine a minute later but never responded. Ok then. Almost exactly 24 hours later I got a simple reply of "yea I had fun too and it was nice to meet you"...the end.
What the hell gentlemen! See this is why we're such complicated creatures because well, we don't know when you're flirting or just being polite and I guess the same kinda goes for us women now that I think about it. Looking back at my horrible dates, I tried to be polite by letting men down easy, hoping they'd read between the lines that maybe they were taking my politeness as being hard to get (I'm looking at you Landon).
So in the end I guess if someone doesn't make it completely obvious anymore, we just don't know.
My son went down for his nap and after he woke up and started running around, I came to the realization that his were on backwards as well. We were a hot mess yesterday! Ok, moving along...
Over the past couple months, I have taken notes of scenarios that have happened to me and some are quite obvious that it was just politeness but in a world where politeness is now so scarce, are we mixing it for flirtation?
The first two scenarios happened with older men and I really feel they set the bar in terms of being polite, helpful and kind. Maybe it's because of an older generation and they were taught to be polite with everyone, but what about my generation? What the hell happened?
1) I was visiting a friend and on my way home my check oil light came on. Weird, I wasn't due for another oil change for at least a month and because I don't go anywhere, I wasn't at all near my kilometers. I pulled up to the local gas station and thankfully because I've had my fair share of beaters, checking oil is like second nature. Low and behold my car wasn't lying, she was almost run dry. I waddle my way into the store, grab some oil and on my way back a man approached me and asked if I needed help. I graciously thanked him but informed him I had it under control. He made small chat as I proceeded to add oil and I again thanked him for his offer and away I went. Here's the catch, there were two other men about my age whom didn't even blink and eye the minute I popped my hood. Maybe because they saw the other gentleman approach me or maybe because female independence is so high that, they don't offer anymore.
2) There was a steam engine show happening in the next town. I figured I have a son, boys like tractors, this would be a smash hit and I'd probably get some blogging material. What I didn't realize is most of these men were already dipping into their retirement plans. It was around lunch time and for some reason, the smell of burgers mixed with caramelized onions was just heavenly and baby # 2 was making it quite known that he wanted some and he wanted some now. Onward bound to the pavilion we go and after waiting for what seemed like forever for our food, it was time to find a place to sit however, every single picnic table was taken. I felt like Forrest Gump on his first bus ride with trying to find a spot to sit. Towards the end of the pavilion a couple of older gentlemen whom I would actually give my seat to, stood up and said "Ma'am, you and that tyke come sit here, we don't bite". So they all squished together and my son and I sat and chit chatted with them, thanked them and were on our way. Now, would that have happened if these gentlemen were my age? I'm going to go ahead and say probably not. These two scenarios were obviously the far right handed polite spectrum but the next two....well, you be the judge.
3) We all know what happened the last time I ran into "the crush". I was able to go down a path that I have never done and get his phone number. Ah, such a powerful moment and one that I am still quite proud of myself with. However what you don't know is well, crush doesn't like to respond to text messages. Twice I have invited him out to events, twice I've gotten no response. I could just be like any normal person and call him to see if I got a fake phone number but the mystery behind it all is kinda what keeps the suspense going...if there is any suspense. So, here in lies the issue, was he being polite by giving me A phone number or was he actually flirting and decided that a preggo isn't something he wants to deal with at the moment. I kinda wouldn't blame him for the second option there because lets be honest here, even I don't want to deal with me sometimes. So, the moral of the story here is, if you give a person of the opposite gender and who is single your phone number, are you being polite or are you being flirtatious?
4) I have a friend who wanted me to meet this REALLY nice guy and I had an opportunity to a couple weekends back. I was excited/nervous because well, it was kinda a blind date set up that he wasn't aware of which was kind of nice because that awkwardness wasn't going to be there. We were at a party and decided to play dodgeball in the pool...well kinda. Mostly it was just throwing a ball back and forth and aiming to splash people in the face...hey, who decided that was a great game to play ladies that were there? Anyways so I become said boy's partner and every time he'd get the ball he'd always hand it off to me if I didn't have one. Also at one point he made the comment that "I was his favourite partner" (there was another male in the pool before me playing) and I responded with an "oh really? *giggle*...God I'm gay. Anyways, we made small chit chat later that night, where I learned what he did for a living, he learned what I do but the party was dying down and it was time to go.
I facebook messaged him (I know, big no no in my books however, I didn't friend request him) the next day stating that it was nice to meet him and I had a lot of fun the night before. Facebook is a tattle tale and will tell you when people read messages and he read mine a minute later but never responded. Ok then. Almost exactly 24 hours later I got a simple reply of "yea I had fun too and it was nice to meet you"...the end.
What the hell gentlemen! See this is why we're such complicated creatures because well, we don't know when you're flirting or just being polite and I guess the same kinda goes for us women now that I think about it. Looking back at my horrible dates, I tried to be polite by letting men down easy, hoping they'd read between the lines that maybe they were taking my politeness as being hard to get (I'm looking at you Landon).
So in the end I guess if someone doesn't make it completely obvious anymore, we just don't know.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
The First
Well we're into the final weeks of my pregnancy and I've often thought of what I would write about next. I could continue into the "single mom of 2 and dating" phase but at the same time, what would set me apart from the others? Single mom of 2, trying to deal with school and work?...I think they made a show about that on MTV.
Maybe I'll become a food blogger, after my terrible review on a restaurant that just opened in my town. Maybe I'll be a coupon queen again (oh yes, extreme couponing was my hobby) or maybe I'll use this as my rant about life page. Who knows.
So this morning, I woke up and did the same thing I always do - check my phone. I would like to tell you it's for time purposes and 50% of the time it is, but I saw my little envelope icon lit. I opened it up and realized I had a new message from the dating site.
Que the "oh what now" response. Usually it's "your matches are now available!" or "Somebody sent you a wink!" or something of that nature. This time, it was "someone sent you a message".
Normally, the first thing I do is check out and read a profile first, if they have a picture - even better. I quickly press the link and to my surprise I know this person......he was my first boyfriend.
It was grade 10 and I was the humble age of 15. At this point of time in my life I was working for the local library and desperate for any boys attention. I won't even show you a pic but let me tell you, I wasn't the hottest girl in the grade and decided any boy would do. I was also apart of a local German folk dancing group (which by the way, I miss a lot. Yes we looked ridiculous in our costumes but hey, it was a great work out) and so was "Mark".
Mark went to the same highschool I did but was significantly older than I. I believe he was in grade 12 and for me to snatch up a senior as a first boyfriend was a plus one in my books. We'd hold hands through the halls, however school was about to end that year and summer was upon us. I pictured our summer was going to be another Grease movie in the works.
I didn't care about his looks, the fact that he liked me was gold enough. At one point I remember I went to his house, we were sitting on the couch and because of his extremely thin nature, it was uncomfortable to lean into him. That same day I also received my first kiss and because unfortunately he needed braces and never got them, the dreaded teeth bash happened. I'm painting a wonderful picture of him aren't I?
Him and his family went camping and because this was before caller ID, any time the phone would ring my family and I would answer and 9 times out of 10 it was him. However, at one point, I refused to answer the phone because well...we just talked 5 minutes prior. This happened the entire week...he'd call about once an hour saying how much he missed me and I believe towards the end, I unplugged the phone. This maddness had to end.
I can't really recall how I broke up with Mark but I believe it was still while he was on vacation. Our relationship lasted a whole 2 weeks and things became really awkward during dance - almost hostile. His sister and I got into my first and only fight at the highschool almost 6 months later about it.
Anyways back to today, whether or not he remembered who I was I'm not sure, he never said my name. After all that was 12 years ago (Oh my God I feel old). I did respond to his message with "well if it isn't my first boyfriend, how are you Mark" and we made small chat. I asked what he was doing with his life now a days and he responded that he was working in tool and dye and he asked how I was and if I had kids now. (Way to make it known that you didn't read my profile for I do state that I have kids). I told him the truth, I had a 3 year old and one in the oven. He responded with "that's cool" and that was the end of our conversation.
There's a study out there that states 60 - 80% of couples marry their highschool sweetheart. I had many boyfriends throughout highschool but Mark was definitely not considered my sweetheart. I don't plan on rekindling anything and am kinda relieved he ended the conversation how he did. I wish Mark all the luck in the world but he will still always be in my heart as my first boyfriend....and the first one to experience the crazy that is me.
Maybe I'll become a food blogger, after my terrible review on a restaurant that just opened in my town. Maybe I'll be a coupon queen again (oh yes, extreme couponing was my hobby) or maybe I'll use this as my rant about life page. Who knows.
So this morning, I woke up and did the same thing I always do - check my phone. I would like to tell you it's for time purposes and 50% of the time it is, but I saw my little envelope icon lit. I opened it up and realized I had a new message from the dating site.
Que the "oh what now" response. Usually it's "your matches are now available!" or "Somebody sent you a wink!" or something of that nature. This time, it was "someone sent you a message".
Normally, the first thing I do is check out and read a profile first, if they have a picture - even better. I quickly press the link and to my surprise I know this person......he was my first boyfriend.
It was grade 10 and I was the humble age of 15. At this point of time in my life I was working for the local library and desperate for any boys attention. I won't even show you a pic but let me tell you, I wasn't the hottest girl in the grade and decided any boy would do. I was also apart of a local German folk dancing group (which by the way, I miss a lot. Yes we looked ridiculous in our costumes but hey, it was a great work out) and so was "Mark".
Mark went to the same highschool I did but was significantly older than I. I believe he was in grade 12 and for me to snatch up a senior as a first boyfriend was a plus one in my books. We'd hold hands through the halls, however school was about to end that year and summer was upon us. I pictured our summer was going to be another Grease movie in the works.
I didn't care about his looks, the fact that he liked me was gold enough. At one point I remember I went to his house, we were sitting on the couch and because of his extremely thin nature, it was uncomfortable to lean into him. That same day I also received my first kiss and because unfortunately he needed braces and never got them, the dreaded teeth bash happened. I'm painting a wonderful picture of him aren't I?
Him and his family went camping and because this was before caller ID, any time the phone would ring my family and I would answer and 9 times out of 10 it was him. However, at one point, I refused to answer the phone because well...we just talked 5 minutes prior. This happened the entire week...he'd call about once an hour saying how much he missed me and I believe towards the end, I unplugged the phone. This maddness had to end.
I can't really recall how I broke up with Mark but I believe it was still while he was on vacation. Our relationship lasted a whole 2 weeks and things became really awkward during dance - almost hostile. His sister and I got into my first and only fight at the highschool almost 6 months later about it.
Anyways back to today, whether or not he remembered who I was I'm not sure, he never said my name. After all that was 12 years ago (Oh my God I feel old). I did respond to his message with "well if it isn't my first boyfriend, how are you Mark" and we made small chat. I asked what he was doing with his life now a days and he responded that he was working in tool and dye and he asked how I was and if I had kids now. (Way to make it known that you didn't read my profile for I do state that I have kids). I told him the truth, I had a 3 year old and one in the oven. He responded with "that's cool" and that was the end of our conversation.
There's a study out there that states 60 - 80% of couples marry their highschool sweetheart. I had many boyfriends throughout highschool but Mark was definitely not considered my sweetheart. I don't plan on rekindling anything and am kinda relieved he ended the conversation how he did. I wish Mark all the luck in the world but he will still always be in my heart as my first boyfriend....and the first one to experience the crazy that is me.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
The Deal Breaker
Over the last month, I've only logged into my dating profile a couple times here and there. I find I get the same guys messaging me over and over and not to mention, ex-husbands of people I used to go to highschool with. That was awkward. But on one occasion, I had received this new message from a guy we'll call "Dave"
Now, because I live so close to the United States, the dating site likes to show me matches in Michigan. I usually ignore most of them but Dave caught my interest. He was wow, just a great looking guy, his profile seemed decent and the city he lived in was only 20 minutes away. Hmm, alright let's talk.
Dave clearly never read my profile and I'll get to that in just one second. We started texting that night and the next morning, I really started contemplating dating an American. I really have nothing against them, but to me, it was asking for a whole wack load of issues. However, at the same time, it would be more of a challenge to see each other, and you wouldn't run the risk of over exposure. We could spend the day together here and there when my child wasn't home and I didn't have to worry about him showing up at my door step unexpectedly.
Back to him not reading my profile. Dave didn't realize I was Canadian considering he was asking me where the nearest Target was. I'm not even sure he looked at my pictures since he asked me to describe my looks He made the comment of "well I suppose I should start applying for my passport" and I was kinda taken aback. Yea I suppose you could, but that means you'd be seeing me not on my terms and in a way, that scared me. I learned Dave was originally from Chicago, had two almost teenagers that still lived there with their mother. Perfect! The fact that I won't be dealing with baby mama drama almost seemed to good to be true.
We shared a lot of the same goals in life, he wanted to eventually own a farm (all I want is a horse) and just retire somewhere in the country side. We shared the same taste in music and everything was going honky dory. I was really amping up to meet this guy until...
At one point, Dave revealed to me he was a "redneck". Ok, I asked him to elaborate, what did he consider being a redneck? I can tell you my version is someone who could apply and be cast on honey boo boo and duck dynasty and uses duct tape to fix anything. As long as you wear deodorant and shower once a day, being a redneck isn't that bothersome. What I wasn't expecting, was him revealing that he was a white supremacist.
I kid you not. I will PG 13 his comments: "I don't like seeing a white woman with a black man"...I'm censoring that folks. I apparently live in the 21st century and do not care or mind that mixed races or same genders combine. Really, it's none of my business and whatever makes people happy...go for it. But my visions of my farm with Shinedown blaring in the background came to a crashing halt. I have many family members whom have married interracial and clearly, Dave would have to stay away if I didn't want to have to post bail. No deal.
I kinda went off the handle with him and that comment and he quickly shut his mouth. Eventually our messages became less and less. I'm cordial with him, but I have no desire to keep day dreaming about how and when we'll meet. Being an almost KKK member, is a giant deal breaker.
Now, because I live so close to the United States, the dating site likes to show me matches in Michigan. I usually ignore most of them but Dave caught my interest. He was wow, just a great looking guy, his profile seemed decent and the city he lived in was only 20 minutes away. Hmm, alright let's talk.
Dave clearly never read my profile and I'll get to that in just one second. We started texting that night and the next morning, I really started contemplating dating an American. I really have nothing against them, but to me, it was asking for a whole wack load of issues. However, at the same time, it would be more of a challenge to see each other, and you wouldn't run the risk of over exposure. We could spend the day together here and there when my child wasn't home and I didn't have to worry about him showing up at my door step unexpectedly.
Back to him not reading my profile. Dave didn't realize I was Canadian considering he was asking me where the nearest Target was. I'm not even sure he looked at my pictures since he asked me to describe my looks He made the comment of "well I suppose I should start applying for my passport" and I was kinda taken aback. Yea I suppose you could, but that means you'd be seeing me not on my terms and in a way, that scared me. I learned Dave was originally from Chicago, had two almost teenagers that still lived there with their mother. Perfect! The fact that I won't be dealing with baby mama drama almost seemed to good to be true.
We shared a lot of the same goals in life, he wanted to eventually own a farm (all I want is a horse) and just retire somewhere in the country side. We shared the same taste in music and everything was going honky dory. I was really amping up to meet this guy until...
At one point, Dave revealed to me he was a "redneck". Ok, I asked him to elaborate, what did he consider being a redneck? I can tell you my version is someone who could apply and be cast on honey boo boo and duck dynasty and uses duct tape to fix anything. As long as you wear deodorant and shower once a day, being a redneck isn't that bothersome. What I wasn't expecting, was him revealing that he was a white supremacist.
I kid you not. I will PG 13 his comments: "I don't like seeing a white woman with a black man"...I'm censoring that folks. I apparently live in the 21st century and do not care or mind that mixed races or same genders combine. Really, it's none of my business and whatever makes people happy...go for it. But my visions of my farm with Shinedown blaring in the background came to a crashing halt. I have many family members whom have married interracial and clearly, Dave would have to stay away if I didn't want to have to post bail. No deal.
I kinda went off the handle with him and that comment and he quickly shut his mouth. Eventually our messages became less and less. I'm cordial with him, but I have no desire to keep day dreaming about how and when we'll meet. Being an almost KKK member, is a giant deal breaker.
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