The Respect Factor.

Dating someone with kids isn't easy and some choose to not date people with kids. I'm fine with that, no judgement here. Some even with kids refuse to date others with kids - conjoined families are nothing to play around with and there has to be a full commitment to doing so. Some make it work, some can't and the kids end up paying the price.

However, I feel as if we're missing some key elements here. The other parent - and the respect that's what they are. At one point in time, your new boyfriend/girlfriend did possibly love someone else to start a family with them, a new child was brought into the world and whether you like it or not, they will be around for the rest of that child's life. They're going to have to speak with that parent, see them, and co-parent for more than just 18 years. (I'm basing this all off that the other parent wants to be in the child's life)

Over the past week, I've been dealt a full deck of cards. I thought I was handling it quite well. I have an amazing support system and they've all been by my side. Being pregnant and I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure my hormones however have made my problems seem more exuberant than they actually are. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. However, during the last couple days this week -  something has come up that really, just throws salt on the wounds.

I try not to talk to my ex unless it involves our kid (s). Our lawyers are dealing with anything legal and we are trying to co-parent to the best of our ability. The reason why I date occasionally and say no to potential relationships is because I know I'm not ready - I have many wounds that need to heal properly, no bandaids here. I don't want to know, or care what's going in his life. My children are my main focus with him and who he brings these kids around.

This next paragraph is how * I FEEL* this situation SHOULD be treated.
You meet a new person, they have kids. You're in the puppy love stage and just want to spend as much time as you can with the person. You go on dates, picture yourselves together forever and this person is just perrrfect. However, you know and I know that this is just a stage and it'll pass and that's why I didn't mention bringing kids to meet this other person. I'm a firm believer in the 6 month rule. In 6 months you should know whether or not you want to continue seeing this person and you should know by then, their ins and outs. After 6 months, pending on the children's ages, you slowly start to integrate the family together. Have dinner here and there, maybe a family outing, but no sleep overs.

As the other parent, you should be in the know. Talk it over with the other parent...after all, this is their child too and guess what, kids talk. If you don't tell them, the kids will and that's just drama you don't need. As the new g/f/b/f here's my advice to you:

- Respect any boundaries put into place by the co-parent
- Respect any routines
- Realize you're not the new mother/father
- Have fun building a relationship

DO NOT do this:
- Bad talk the other co-parent when children are around
- Message/talk to co-parent when asked not to
-  View co-parent as a giant threat
- Stir drama within the relationship of the two parents
- Message/talk to co-parent under the disguise of the other parent.

If you know me, the "do not's" look pretty familiar don't they?
I don't know, call me crazy but I just don't get it. When I get into another relationship and if there is kids involved, I KNOW I would be staying far away from that woman as possible. If we could get along, that's great but if not, I also know that she is still the mother and I need to respect that.

Until next time.