Thursday, June 27, 2013

My thoughts: Part 1

I'm  typing from my mom's tablet so we'll have to see how far I make it before wanting to throw this out the window. Plus my nails are really not co-operating.

OK, first off, I want to give a shout-out to my Russian readers! I was going through my stats and I see I've got some hits from there,  welcome folks!

So, to keep my blog alive during non-dating spells, I've decided to do reflection posts. I will label them, so you dont have to read them if you dont want to.

When my marriage blew up,  I decided to go to counselling. It's nothing I'm ashamed of, in fact it was more or less 6 one hour sessions of me bawling my eyes out. He advised I start keeping a diary, writing down my thoughts on the situation each day and just using it to vent. It's been 3 months now and I'm sure if anyone read it, they'd need counselling themselves.
So, from the past week, 3 statements have been made to me that really got my mind going. I will also use this opportunity to open up a little bit of my past. I will try my darnest to keep this as drama free as possible.

Statement 1:

"I know us men can be dumb and big headed but a cooler head will prevail. No doubt he still cares for you since us men love to hurt then ones we love because we dont have the words or heart to think otherwise; He's bitter. I encourage you to stand firm, he will eventually come to his wits."

The Background:
I had mentioned I believe in Calvin's post, that I prefer to talk to men who are going through separations well. I've seen a quote around that says "Find  someone whos demons are compatible with yours" and to me it's true. "Chris" messaged me asking me to give a woman's standpoint on separation. I told him the truth, the amount of disrespect that gets thrown around is terrible.
Throughout my marriage, respect was something low on the totem pole. It should never have been, I will agree and all I wanted most of all was to have that changed. I don't know why I thought it'd get better through the separation... silly me!
Disrepect is a giant circle. It was a slippery slope we could not get off of. I wont give you details but this statement got me thinking....if your spouse is your best friend, why is it when we're angry, we take it out on them?
I remember reading in one of my marriage books that if you're emotionally bonded with someone, you  want them to feel all your emotions too. I tend to disagree with both of these statements. If I was angry, the last thing I wanted was for him to be angry, for he had a temper. The only thing I will stand firm on is I won't tolerate any more disrespect. We have both said very hurtful things to each other, but when I go out of my way to do favours, the last thing I expect is disrespect. Not only am I being disrespected, but so are my kids.

So in conclusion, I truly believe if you love someone you don't disrespect them. Maybe because I'm not a guy I think differently. I will say with every honest bone in my body that I don't love him anymore, the manipulation, lies, and disrespect really overshadows everything.
Anyways, moving on.

Statement 2:

"Some women need to define themselves by the relationship they're in. They will do everything in their power to cement it; including spread rumours and lie"

The Background

I was at a playdate when the conversation turned to my current situation. I would never understand how my ex was so quick to move on until I actually flipped the 'women' to 'him'. Well now that became interesting didn't it!
I have never been the type to define myself by the type of relationship I was in. I never changed the minute they pronounced us man and wife. I stayed Kelly, the hardworking, pretty much single mom who always put her family's needs first.
To this day, that's exactly who I still am, and maybe thats what our demise was, I was with my polar opposite. Someone who thought the minute the papers were signed I'd magically become someone I never would be.
Dont get me wrong, I'm sure being in a relationship is fantastic but looking back, I like me. I don't have to worry about being yelled at for the house not being cleaned, my legs havent been shaved in a month, never knowing what personality of my husband's I was facing that day, and the only people I have to answer to are my kids.
Maybe it's my upbringing, (being an only child) or the fact that my husband was a truckdriver but I never had to depend on anyone, let alone let it define me.
So, in conclusion:
Women will do anything to cement a relationship, that's nothing new we're pretty manipulative creatures. However if you need to base your entire relationship off of 'changing' yourself, then what type of relationship is that?

Statement 3:

"She's in mama bear mode. You f*ck with her cubs, and she will destroy you"

The Background

Ah, this one is my favourite. Of course it's about me and really, it's dead on. My babies are my life. My oldest son (well, only one at this time) is a very sensitive child. I knew that right from the beginning. He's also very innocent. He doesn't know what's happening and I will protect both of them from any hurt. It's my job. No doubt this entire situation is hurting him and it just KILLS me. I remember the day all of this blew up and I just held him telling him how sorry I was, crying my eyes out. He didn't know what was happening but he just sat there and eventually, grabbed me kleenex's.
How people can just walk in and out of children's lives I will never understand. Maybe because I never had to. My biological father died when I was 6 months and my step father raised me as his own. Do we not understand that these are little people who are depending on us for guidance and support? Has moral been completely thrown out the window?
In conclusion:
As I'm typing this, belly baby is kicking up a storm so don't worry kiddo, I haven't forgotten about you! It's sad but at the same time, kind of relieving that he'll never have to experience what my other son has. It will be his norm.

Well, feel free to post comments about this. Everyone's thoughts count!

Friday, June 21, 2013

Low Expectations

Ok so, let's keep in mind here that it's 9 pm on a Friday night and I am home.

I have a certain criteria when I talk to new people. Here it is:
1) must have a job
2) must have a car
3) must live on their own
4) must be tall and have an athletic build

Ok that last one is negotiable, but if I see those top 4, you have my attention.

Now lately, I haven't really wanted to meet anyone new. I've been focusing all my attention on healing my back and taking care of my son full time (my parents have been helping me due to my injury. He was here from 9 - 7 everyday and went to their house to sleep because my pain is worse at night and in the morning. He was starting to get upset over this arrangement so, mommy sucked it up with only taking pain killers then)

So, "Jay" messaged me, I thought he had met the top 4...I missed a key point, and I'll explain later. He wanted to meet RIGHT away. Oh hell no. I kept using my son as an excuse not to meet and it was true but I wasn't in any rush.

I should mention that I have a little background in journalism. I did co-op at CHYR radio and am quite good at interviewing and getting information from people. So, using those skills in prospective new dates, it was very hard to get information from Jay. When I asked what type of music he listened to... "everything". Ok... do you have a favourite band "nope I like everything.". Arg. Alright, what type of shows do you watch? "Everything"... "there's nothing that you love to watch".."no not really"...GIVE ME A BONE HERE.

My son is visiting his father this weekend and after constantly putting Jay off, I decided to go out to coffee. I really put no effort in my looks tonight since I was feeling pretty 'meh' about the whole deal and I'm glad I didn't. I had mentioned to him that yesterday I had to put new tires on my car when we spoke so... I pull up to the coffee shop and he was sitting in his truck. The first words out of his mouth was "you got used tires didn't you". Well hello to you too. He got out of his truck and ladies, I wish I could make this up:

-He was wearing jogging pants
-He was wearing a shirt with his sleeves torn off
-He smelled dirty

Okaaaay, time to run! And only if I did...
He paid for my coffee and we sat down, I learned that he was on disability due to back problems. Now, being on disability, I can't really judge that because hell, look at me. Here's the difference though, I don't plan to make a career out of it, I'm already going insane as it is.
Here's another point, obviously he's not working, why in God's name is he smelling dirty and coming on a DATE looking like he walked out of a factory?

So we started chatting and it really became an 'ex-bashing session' for him. I sat there...and just kinda nodded and had to really bite my tongue. You quickly learn, that sometimes, the ex g/f isn't as bat shit crazy as they make them out to be. We go outside and he sat there, on his cell phone, texting. Really?

After a whole one hour I took my leave, claiming hip pain as the problem. He didn't even get a hug because I really didn't want to smell like that and unfortunately, it's still burned into my nose. He messaged me 10 minutes later asking what I thought of him. I said the only thing that came into my mind that was appropriate.
"You're...nice"
"Can we be more?"
"I'm actually enjoying my single life right now"
"We can take it slow then"

No.

Monday, June 17, 2013

To My Friends...

I'll give you an update on sushi guy really quickly. My intuition was correct, he wanted to be...physical friends. So, with my dignity in tack, I said no thanks and haven't talked to him since. Therefore, I also did not get my sushi, which being pregnant, is the most disappointing.

I've been filling alot of my down time surfing a picture site. If you're on my facebook, you'll see me sometimes post things from there. I've always lurked on it, but now I'm an official participant. Anyways, I had started making small chat with someone on there who's wife wanted a divorce. Now, being in the same boat, I know how much it sucks. It's a very emotional and expensive process, and being pregnant while doing it, it's not for the faint of heart.

So, I shot him a message, told him if he needed to talk, I'm right here. He took me up on the offer and I found out he was from Ohio, about the same age as me, and well, wasn't taking it well. I talked to him for 2 days straight. I gave him all the advice I could, anything to help him save his  marriage. He helped me get through some awkward issues I had to deal with this weekend, just by staying by his phone and letting me rant about them after.

The response times eventually started getting longer and eventually yesterday, we stopped talking. I really REALLY hope he takes me up on my advice and does anything he can to save his marriage. Just because mine failed, doesn't mean his needs to.

This weekend has been full of it's ups and downs and to my friends  and family who've sat by my side, whether it was up till 3 in the morning having chats that if I was able to drink wine, I would've had the entire bottle, to helping me deal with an injured dog, to helping me clean my house, to late night deck chats, to arranging play dates to get me and the kiddo out of the house, it never goes unnoticed. In a way, my relationships with them have grown and flourished more everyday and they accept me for me. That ladies and gentleman, is what keeps my spirits up.

Until next time.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Rumor has it...

Whoooooooo loves 2 am phone calls? Not me!

There is a rumor swirling around at the moment and I'm not going to even give it the time of day addressing what it is, but you have to admit, the fact that it keeps coming up is interesting to say the least.

I've thought about addressing the person whom the rumor involves but in all aspects, I'm not going to stoop down to the level that the other individual did. You'd think after hearing the EXACT answer about it over and over and over again and story not changing they would get the hint...clearly not.

I'm not big into what people think of me...or else I wouldn't have created this blog. I've opened my world to the world and people can make up fantasies or rumors of to what they think is actually happening. That's fine, but when the 2 am attacks come, that's when it becomes worrisome.

People need to understand, these dates happen from April - present. So in context, I've gone on technically 4 dates, in 3 months.

I knew I was going to get attacked about it constantly, I'm not dumb but how is it ok, that other individuals can jump right into a relationship after 8 year relationship, to it not being ok for me to go on dates? It's simple really, it's called double standards.

I know I'm pregnant, I announce it to the world. I cannot wait for the day my newest one comes and I know my time will be taken up by him....and again, I cannot wait. I strive to be the best mother possible to my kids and by doing so, little shit like this will not affect me. But what does affect me, is the fact that people assume my dating and my parenting are being intertwined. Untrue and I WILL tear apart anyone who thinks as much.

Ok, so that's it for now, I have a chiro appointment to get to.


*Editor's note *
In response to recent postings that have occurred, I would also like to address the fact that anything I have ever talked about, or said to anyone, I always have proof about. I really should've been a lawyer, and maybe   I was in a former life. I keep everything, and so, that should settle that issue. If I hear something, I do my research about it, to back up my claims, I do not go at right at the throat before finding out the truth. That's what got you into trouble for Friday, and will continue to.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Sushi Guy

I had one of the worst days of my life over the past weekend. Legally, I can't talk about it, nor do I want to, but just know, it was one of the most stressful moments of my life.

Sushi guy messaged me later that friday night, and I'm not going to lie, I was downright bitchy to him. I already put him into the 'another slim bag trying to get into my pants' category and looking back on the conversation, he never really suggested it.

I tried every card in the book to make this guy go away. I told him I had baggage up the roof, I was pregnant off the bat, I'm not looking to meet anyone right now, I'm dealing with alot of crap at this moment, I have baby-daddy drama, anything ANYTHING to make this guy run.

His response? "well, I'm glad you're honest this early into the conversation"....arg, fine, you win, lets talk.

He sent me his picture and he's an average looking guy, great smile, alright one point for you. He lives in the same town as me, has a car, has a great job and......knows how to make sushi *does a little dance*

He really wanted to meet and I asked him at least twice "why me?" I wasn't digging for compliments, but I just really slammed this guy all my drama before we even saw each other face to face. Landon pretty much put me on edge and I wasn't going to have a part 2.

He said because I was hot and seemed like I had a head on my shoulders. Oh here we go, I knew you just wanted sex! He asked me when was the last time I asked someone on a date and it didn't involve looks a little bit?...shit, you got me there.

So yesterday, after dealing with Landon all day, I went out for coffee with sushi guy. It was kinda nice, I really didn't have anything to hide. We talked about past relationships, his job, my job, just a good conversation.

We go our ways, he asks if he can see me again, I say "Sure...but can there be sushi involved"..."Absolutely"

Monday, June 10, 2013

DON'T DATE CRAZY

Do I have a sign on my forehead saying 'please, if you're crazy, lets go on a date'?

If you read about Landon, then well this should not surprise you. In a way, I'm glad the kid doesn't own a vehicle because he'd probably be at my house right now.

I'm a nice person, I try not to let guys down too roughly. With Landon, I said I wouldn't mind being friends, but that's it. He asked if we could be more down the road and I said 'I don't know'. I should've said HELL NO, and that's where I got myself into trouble.

All week I've been trying to avoid him, he's been asking me to go on more dates, fishing, and even tried to add me on facebook. I keep denying him entry and today, things just got out of hand.

He kept trying to call me, to the point I had to block his number. Then, he tried messaging me constantly on the website, I had to tell him and excuse my french, to fuck off. He's gone mental. Ugh, it's crap like this that make me want to dig into a hole and disappear.

Wish me luck he doesn't appear at my door.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Landon

I think I'm going to start diagnosing myself with commitment-phobia.
Here I go again, nice guy but as usual, I need to pick at his faults and think of ways of why it'll never work.

Anyways, so Landon contacted me, and after my 4 - 7 day rule, we decided to meet up. Landon however doesn't have his license so red flag for me right there. He lives a good 45 minutes away and I'm not a taxi. I did tell Landon of my pregnancy after he wanted to know why I was just looking for a hang-out friend and pretty sure I inadvertently found a pregnancy fetish guy. I'll explain later.

So, at a local coffee shop in his hometown and he makes the suggestion to go take a walk by the river... walk is the key word there, something I don't do well. First bench we hit, I'm down for the count.

I found with Landon that everything we talked about on the phone, he talked about again. It was an extreme deja-vu moment for me and since I try not to be rude, it involved a lot of "uh huhs" and "oh wows".

Landon started going on about his past, he has a record *red flag* claiming for something he got blamed for that didn't do....right. Landon is also still on probation...*flag flag*, and is now living with his parents...*flag is going wild*.

Anyways, we drive out to the middle of no-where, open the back hatch and start making out in the back of my car...highschool memories anyone? He's an extremely GOOD kisser and very gentle. However things start to get weird from there, he starts to rub my stomach and whisper how beautiful I am. Well thanks for the compliment, but...belly rub.... am i the only one who finds this weird?

It starts getting late and I decide to take him home. I didn't get my nap in today so that my contribute to my crankiness. We stop at tim's again, he again pays for my drink and I am seriously running low on gas. He also paid for that. Does that constitute a dinner and date? I might keep Landon around for a while, because even though I didn't touch really on his good side, he was really nice and respectful, plus shells out the compliments like they're going out of style.

Until next time

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The Cop

Good morning ladies (and maybe gentlemen)
Dealing with some sperm donor drama at the moment, he dislikes this new blog....oh well!
He even went down to the point of having his new girlfriend attack me for it, and wonders why everyone on earth thinks he's a piece of crap...

Ok that's enough of that rant.

Now for the cop. I should mention that I had totally forgot about this (pregnancy brain?) until a friend reminded me about it.
Nothing happened at all between cop and I but I should mention that because of him, I need to work on not going out in just jogging pants with my hair barely brushed.

I mentioned before that I have an almost 3 year old, who's growing like a weed. Now being on a single and not to mention injury income, I have resorted to buying 2nd hand. I'm not judging, I'm just not used to it. I found on a local site 50 outfits for $100, all his size. PERFECT!

I responded to such ad and was surprised that a male name responded back but didn't really think much of it. I agreed to go to his house the next morning and take a look.

I'm an extremely careful person, those news stories of people getting killed by doing stuff like this do not go past me. So with mom and kid in tow, we walked up to the house in the middle of suburbia hell. An extremely good looking man answers the door and invites us in. I  hobble up his stairs and am greeted with a giant hockey bag just stuffed with clothes. As we start going through we start making small chat. I commented on the fact that they were all name brand and all in really good shape. He responds by saying he's a single dad going through a divorce....oh really. *fixes hair*

I mention that I'm in the same boat and because of my injury, can't really go shopping for him. He mentions he's on injury leave too. I asked from where and he informs me he's a city police officer. *fixes boobs*

We start talking about the different treatment we're receiving and informs me that my chiro right now is under investigation for improper treatment. Damnit, time to find a new chiro. My benefits company is giving me an extremely hard time, apparently pregnant, injured, barely walking women are able to work. Cute. He told me if they at any time start denying my pay, to give him a call....no problem!

He also said he'd keep my number for when his son grows out of more clothes....can't you keep my number for other things too?? I kid!...well no not really.

We end up packing up to leave and that's when it happened..the humiliation. I prefer to think my child was trying to sabotage me. My son.......kicked his cat. The cat was near the door while we were putting our shoes on and BOOT! I could not say sorry enough! Just the thought right now is making me embarrassed again...

Alright well, we're coming up to either Navy guy or Landon. Those are the two that have caught my current interest. So, I will update once something happens. I talked to Landon for an hour last night on the phone and.....meh. I'll explain later.

Until then.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Calvin

I thought about posting about Calvin tomorrow but I'm on a roll and this mama has plans.

As you can recall, I have changed all the names of my adverturers and Calvin's name came from the fact he was the male version of me:

-Newly separated
-He found his wife in bed with a friend a week after the wedding (I found out my ex was sexting another woman 3 months after mine [i know I said I'd save you some of the gory details but, I couldn't resist this one])
-He had a 3 year old
-He was extremely good looking
-We just had a lot in common in general.

I try to talk to potential prospects for about 4 - 7 days before meeting. After a very lengthy phone conversation I decided to pull out the pregnancy card....I have decided to not do this so soon anymore, because his response to it was "well, guess I can't get you pregnant". I didn't realize sex was on the table at this point.

I told him straight up, that I wasn't looking for anything serious. Maybe a coffee date here or there, a movie watching buddy, but I'm slowly learning that in guy lingo that means "friends with benefits". Guys, if you're reading this, no....it doesn't.

So, after meeting Calvin and having to keep my drooling mouth to myself, we decide to go back to my house. Now, you know what that means, and I know what that means too, but this story is going in another direction. After sitting on the couch, a make-out session proceeded and apparently I wasn't the one with a drooling problem......Calvin was a bad kisser.

HOW DO YOU GO THROUGH LIFE BEING A BAD KISSER?!

Well, that ended that for me...I promptly told him that I wasn't ready for this just yet and led him out. It was really unfortunate, he was a really nice guy and really nice to look at. Oh well.

We haven't talked since and I choose to believe that him and his wife let bi-gones be bi-gones and they're living a happy life again.

Next: The Cop

Stan

I've known Stan for a long time. We went to highschool together and eventually worked at the same place. He got laid off during the automotive down fall and we always kept in touch.

Anyways, Stan one day messaged me asking how things were going, WELL whether he knew it or not, he had just opened pandora's box. I told him everything, I was newly single, pregnant and miserable.

I'm going to start by saying that I'll forever be grateful to Stan for pulling me out of my rut I was in. I wanted to just so desperately have it work between my ex and I and he took me out of that mind-set.

We ended up going out to the movies and he passed out.... poor guy! We started talking everyday and he was doing things my ex wasn't. He would ask how I was everyday, ask how my appointments were going, ask how my kids were, he showed a genuine interest in my life.

If I asked him to jump, he'd say how high? He was always willing to help me out in every way he could. From weeding my garden to getting my ice packs. He wanted to always spend time with me.
Now, no doubt you are saying "Kelly, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, THIS SEEMS LIKE THE DREAM GUY" and trust me, I feel the same way, and that's why I had to stop it there.

I really feel if Stan would've come a little later in life, things would've ended up differently. When Stan was around, I was (well still am) in a very vulnerable state. I could not, and would not allow him in. No matter how hard he tried, I have these walls built up that no matter what he could do, they were solid. I felt like, I was going to break his heart, I knew he wanted to be more serious and the thought to me just made me want to run.

So Stan, if you read this, know that you didn't do anything wrong....at all! I told you that before and I'll continue to tell you that. I don't want you turning into an asshole because of girls like me. You are an amazing guy and one day you'll find a girl that will completely appreciate it.

Ahhh 'Calvin' you're up next

Introduction

Well, let me introduce myself.
I'm Kelly and I'm 26 years young. I have a 2 year old (soon to be 3) son and well, if you're here, you will also quickly learn that I'm pregnant with my 2nd child. Why I'm being published as my dog, I have no idea...I'll try to figure that out later.

I am 20 weeks along and it's another boy. Alright now, I'll spare you most of the gory details of their father's and I's relationship but I'll try to sum it up:
-We were together 7 years, married for 1 = 8 years.
-We separated January 16th, had a night of wild sex a week later and BOOM here's number 2.
-We tried to make it work after, obviously didn't work
-He's moved on with someone else, but I'm more of a 'slowly get my feet wet' person

That being said, I'm also not about to let this pregnancy make me sit at home all day wondering 'what could've been'. I spent 6 months doing that, and I probably should've taken stock out on kleenex.

If your plan is to lecture me on how I should be just sitting down and 'focusing on the baby and your kids' then move along, I am off on injury leave from my work due to not born kiddo and get bored extremely easily.

So lets begin shall we?

I guess the major question is, "how do you go about telling these people that you're pregnant? How do they respond?" Well, that's a question I get to be faced with everyday. 2 out of 3 past dates knew and surprisingly took it well. Maybe because if things got more serious, they wouldn't have to worry about me getting pregnant? Who knows. I can also hide it very well, so it's not right in their face.

I also would like to think that someone wants to meet me based on my personality, rather than the fact that they live out their fetish of having sex with a pregnant broad.

Where do I find these guys? Where else? Internet dating.......ahhh the beauty of being able to quickly shift through people's profiles and pick and chose who I want to see. Call me low, but yes looks are a major part in this new adventure and ladies, I'm not looking for a new husband....I'm sure they are nice guys who are ugly but lets be honest here, let me get my kicks off while I still can.

I also prefer to talk to men who are also separated, that might have back fired with me with "calvin" (you'll learn about him soon enough) but honestly, it's EXTREMELY awkward to be doing this again so I'd rather talk to someone who also knows how awkward this is.

Ok so lets start off with "Stan"....(all names have been changed)