I was really hesitant writing about this, for it's going to probably cause me a shit ton of drama but it's an obstacle that most dating single parents may face.
If you may recall a couple weeks ago, stranger danger first met my 3 year old son during a 'toliet fixing' fiasco. When he arrived, I simply stated "#1 this is my friend *insert real name here*" and that mostly was it. #1 was immediately attached to his leg and would not let him be to do what he came over to do. While we were sitting on the couch, SD made a comment along the lines of "I'm going to get mommy!" and #1 exclaims..."That's MY mommy, you're dad"
*cue crickets chirping*
I wanted to pretend I didn't hear what my child just said, so, that's the route I took. Maybe he said bad, maybe he thought his name was Tad.... so I didn't address it. After about an hour of them goofing off and doing 'boy' things (aka rough housing, I don't rough house...I'm a delicate flower) again, the 'dad' word came out. Yep, I couldn't pretend I didn't hear it, it was clear as a bell.
Later that night, SD and I were texting and I brought up the topic. SD felt that he was saying it as a statement, not as a name. Potentially, but my child is 3. He doesn't call his teacher's 'teacher' he calls them their names and even though he was introduced with SD's actual name, I couldn't figure out why he was so quick to put the label 'dad' on someone who was male, and a friend of his mother's.....ugh I can see the therapy bills already.
Normally in this situation, you would let the child choose what to call your significant other. I'm okay with SD's children calling me Kelly, for that's probably what they prefer but in the case of a small child, I could call SD chicken butt and he would legitimately believe that's his name. However, #1 has a dad already and I feel that my child isn't an appropriate age to make that decision on his own.
Personally, I don't want #1 or #2 for that matter being raised calling SD by his first name. I feel that it's giving them the impression that he's on their level. If SD is going to be apart of their lives on a regular basis, we could call him Uncle but what happens when he's in school? "Oh I live with mommy and uncle SD"... *cue banjo music*
We decided on a nickname, it was similarly close to his name and puts a more fun twist to his name. So, today I needed help moving some heavy objects and summoned my knight in shining armor. I told #1 specifically that "nickname of SD" (did I lose you yet?) was on his way. After helping me out, I put my children in the car and was standing outside saying my goodbyes. Again, my brain wanted to think my child was screaming BAH!! in the car but we all know he wasn't. Once I got in the car, #1 says to me "Mommy, I didn't get to say goodbye to Dad!" "#1, remember, his name is *nickname*" "No mommy, it's dad"
Aye.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Sunday, March 23, 2014
The Decision
Both my pregnancies were rough - there's no question about that. With #1, at 16 weeks I screwed up my sciatic nerve that it would go into random spasms so badly that I was taken off of work right away. Itty bitty baby.....oh man, he was ten times worse. I don't remember if I even went into what my injury was but here it goes, at 12 weeks pregnant, I threw my hips out of alignment. I couldn't walk without a cane (and it came with me for a couple of dates, especially with Stan) and I'm pretty sure my chiropractor count got into the double digits. Finally one helped me being able to walk on my own...and then #1 brought home Fifth Disease. If you don't know what Fifth disease is, basically it's just a rash that kid's get, it's transmitted like the chicken pox and really isn't a big deal...if you're not pregnant. Since I was pregnant, I had bloodwork done and in fact, I tested positive for exposure which threw me into "high risk" of the baby becoming anemic. I had bi-weekly ultrasounds and he didn't become anemic, however the baby is deaf in his left ear. We're not sure of the cause or why at this moment.
Clearly my body doesn't take pregnancies well, however I can say I never had morning sickness and I never looked pregnant at any given moment unless I put tight clothes on and even then, I just looked like I ate too many big macs. Because of this, I had decided I didn't want any more kids. In reality, I was okay to stop just at one. I was an only child and have been given so many opportunities that I feel, I may not have been given if I was competing with a sibling. When I informed my ex that I wanted just one, him being a twin and convinced it was hereditary for the males (the amount of twins on his side are insane) and biology tells us that's not possible, I'd still get the response of "well if you don't give me twins, someone else will".... you'd think that would be a red flag but you know...young and dumb.
I first introduced you to "Stranger Danger" in my last post and I'll give you some vague details. He has two boys of his own, older than mine, and had made the conscious decision to stop. He had himself altered and honestly, I had mixed feelings. I was happy I didn't have to worry about birth control anymore, happy that I didn't have to put my body through that again if he wanted more kids, but at the same time kinda sad. My two boys plus his two boys equals....four boys. I'd never get my little girl. Even though it's physically impossible to predict the sex before conception and even though we both have kids, I'd never be able to give him that gift from me...and that saddens me to an extent.
Sure we could adopt and I have brought up that conversation to him. I've been watching documentaries on Netflix about the gender problem that's happening in China and India. Everyone there wants boys, and so girls are either killed or abandoned. If you haven't watched them and want a good cry, the two were: "It's a girl" and "Somewhere In between". Adoption is extremely costly and because we'll be raising four boys together, I'm sure I'll be living at my local Costco. We could make it a "10 year goal" I'll be 38, he'll be 43 with the potential of one his boys living on their own, maybe even having kids of his own....did I just make you feel old there SD? lol. The youngest will be 10 and I feel adding a new addition to the family may not be the best decision out there.
As much as I'm in love with stranger and think that he's the most perfect guy on the planet for me, we don't know the future. I know I didn't plan on being a single mom of two kids and he probably didn't think he would be single with two kids as well. I don't want to be known as the woman with 3 kids, two baby daddies, and on the market again. I know Stranger would treat the situation a lot more different than my ex does but the thought really doesn't appeal to me.
So that's why the decision was made.
Clearly my body doesn't take pregnancies well, however I can say I never had morning sickness and I never looked pregnant at any given moment unless I put tight clothes on and even then, I just looked like I ate too many big macs. Because of this, I had decided I didn't want any more kids. In reality, I was okay to stop just at one. I was an only child and have been given so many opportunities that I feel, I may not have been given if I was competing with a sibling. When I informed my ex that I wanted just one, him being a twin and convinced it was hereditary for the males (the amount of twins on his side are insane) and biology tells us that's not possible, I'd still get the response of "well if you don't give me twins, someone else will".... you'd think that would be a red flag but you know...young and dumb.
I first introduced you to "Stranger Danger" in my last post and I'll give you some vague details. He has two boys of his own, older than mine, and had made the conscious decision to stop. He had himself altered and honestly, I had mixed feelings. I was happy I didn't have to worry about birth control anymore, happy that I didn't have to put my body through that again if he wanted more kids, but at the same time kinda sad. My two boys plus his two boys equals....four boys. I'd never get my little girl. Even though it's physically impossible to predict the sex before conception and even though we both have kids, I'd never be able to give him that gift from me...and that saddens me to an extent.
Sure we could adopt and I have brought up that conversation to him. I've been watching documentaries on Netflix about the gender problem that's happening in China and India. Everyone there wants boys, and so girls are either killed or abandoned. If you haven't watched them and want a good cry, the two were: "It's a girl" and "Somewhere In between". Adoption is extremely costly and because we'll be raising four boys together, I'm sure I'll be living at my local Costco. We could make it a "10 year goal" I'll be 38, he'll be 43 with the potential of one his boys living on their own, maybe even having kids of his own....did I just make you feel old there SD? lol. The youngest will be 10 and I feel adding a new addition to the family may not be the best decision out there.
As much as I'm in love with stranger and think that he's the most perfect guy on the planet for me, we don't know the future. I know I didn't plan on being a single mom of two kids and he probably didn't think he would be single with two kids as well. I don't want to be known as the woman with 3 kids, two baby daddies, and on the market again. I know Stranger would treat the situation a lot more different than my ex does but the thought really doesn't appeal to me.
So that's why the decision was made.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Ask me anything..
Well it's been a while......ok like 4 months and I know quite a few of you wondered where I went. Well to say it's complicated would be the understatement of the year. So here's some answers to your questions:
Where the hell did you go?
I'm still here! Alive and with two kiddies now.
How's life with 2 kiddos?
You know to be completely honest, itty bitty baby is the best baby on the planet. He has slept through the night since day one and the transition from 1 to 2 kiddos went pretty well. Child # 1 absolutely adores him. I probably will kick myself for saying that, considering we've now entered into teething session....woot.
Are you still dating?
I can officially say I am off the market! I will get into that later on though.
How's your injury?
I'm not 100% back to normal but I'd say 90. I still have bad days and then I go and cry to my chiro and he makes me all better.
If you're not dating, what are you doing with your spare time?
Well back in November, my mom purchased a store here in my local town. Since I'm on parental leave from my other job, I go and help her out...everyday....8 hours a day.
Where does itty bitty baby go?!
He comes with me! The joys of family owned business...and good babies, everyday is bring your child to work day.
How's the relationship between you and your ex?
Honestly and I am throwing this on the table right now, it'd be 1000% better if his girlfriend stopped her spying and breaking the law ways. I won't go into grave detail...but she likes to commit felonies and no doubt, I'll give it an hour after I publish this to get a phone call reeming me out.
Are you and Pic still friends?
Absolutely! We actually went skating a couple weekends back...no blogger material though.
In "Rumour has it" you said there was a rumour you weren't going to address, will you now?
Sure why not. Ex's g/f heard through "a friend of a friend of a friend" (read between the lines, she likes to make shit up) that itty bitty baby was actually Stan's baby. Now I'm going to do a little bit of math here and I got pregnant January 20th, 2013. Now Stan and I started hanging out in April....hmm and I guess we're also missing the fact that you usually have to do deeds to get pregnant and Stan and I didn't do deeds...so, you'd think that would clear that up...clearly not.
Has your ex finally accepted itty bitty baby as his?
Yes he has.
Have you done deeds with any other of your dates?
I know this is an ask me anything session...but my mom reads this, moving along.
Do you still run into "The Crush"?
I do every once in a while, we do our small chat thing and continue on in our day. He's really letting himself go though.
We want to hear about the new man!
Alright fine, it started like any other dating session and it broke all of my rules...we chatted till the wee morning hours and again all day the next and I REALLY needed to meet him, that's not like me at all. He was cute, knew how to spell, had a career, had a car, had a house, he was separated, had kids of his own so CLEARLY this guy was bat shit crazy right?
Anyways, he was childless one sunday afternoon however, I was not and itty bitty baby was 5 weeks old (keep that number in mind). Child # 1 had just gone down for his nap and I let this guy to my house. Looking back and I tell him this all the time...I am nuts. I remember thinking as he walked to the door that "Oh my God I'm crazy, what if this guy is a psycho, what if he kills you and your children, where's the phone?! Ok, 911 ready to go if needed...Kelly you're nuts you're nuts you're nuts." DON'T DO WHAT I DID.
We sit on my couch and make chit chat. I tried breast feeding itty bitty baby but my stint in the ER made me dry up so I sat on the couch, with my 5 week old, feeding him a bottle, on my first date with this guy. Sooo classy. Baby goes to sleep and I remember getting up to put him in his swing and the MINUTE that child was strapped in, stranger danger here grabs my waste and starts making out with me hardcore. That's what we'll know him as...stranger danger.
Stranger danger was a great kisser...unfortunately, he had a 5 o'clock shadow going on and I had the BIGGEST whisker burn within 5 minutes. Now, anyone who's had a baby knows that you can't do deeds until at least 6 weeks but I would've if I could! Would that have changed anything? I asked him that and he still says he would've dated me..psycho lol.
Will we hear more about him?
Um it's hard to say. He knows about this blog and I promised not to write about him. There's actually a good legitimate reason behind it and I respect his wishes. However a whole whack load of issues in the parenting department have come up and I thought about writing about them but, I don't know. I'll show him this post and I'll see if I overstepped my boundaries.
Has child #1 met him yet?
Actually for the first time this week they had their first encounter. I did NOT want him to meet child #1 right away, for child #1 gets attached extremely easily. However, this has been the most ridiculous winter on the planet here and my toilet line froze. My dad has been working crazy hours since his work is pulling out of the area and just couldn't help, so stranger danger came to the rescue.
What do your friends think of him?
Well, to be completely honest, stranger danger and I have extremely busy schedules. We barely see each other more than twice a week for 20 minutes at a time. We have coffee together during our lunches and we might see each other for an hour on the weekend. To plan a date seems to take a month in advance notice...and even then it got cancelled/rescheduled 3 times on both our parts. It's tough! So to answer that question, my friends have not met him.
Well, I hope that answers everything!
Goodnight.
Where the hell did you go?
I'm still here! Alive and with two kiddies now.
How's life with 2 kiddos?
You know to be completely honest, itty bitty baby is the best baby on the planet. He has slept through the night since day one and the transition from 1 to 2 kiddos went pretty well. Child # 1 absolutely adores him. I probably will kick myself for saying that, considering we've now entered into teething session....woot.
Are you still dating?
I can officially say I am off the market! I will get into that later on though.
How's your injury?
I'm not 100% back to normal but I'd say 90. I still have bad days and then I go and cry to my chiro and he makes me all better.
If you're not dating, what are you doing with your spare time?
Well back in November, my mom purchased a store here in my local town. Since I'm on parental leave from my other job, I go and help her out...everyday....8 hours a day.
Where does itty bitty baby go?!
He comes with me! The joys of family owned business...and good babies, everyday is bring your child to work day.
How's the relationship between you and your ex?
Honestly and I am throwing this on the table right now, it'd be 1000% better if his girlfriend stopped her spying and breaking the law ways. I won't go into grave detail...but she likes to commit felonies and no doubt, I'll give it an hour after I publish this to get a phone call reeming me out.
Are you and Pic still friends?
Absolutely! We actually went skating a couple weekends back...no blogger material though.
In "Rumour has it" you said there was a rumour you weren't going to address, will you now?
Sure why not. Ex's g/f heard through "a friend of a friend of a friend" (read between the lines, she likes to make shit up) that itty bitty baby was actually Stan's baby. Now I'm going to do a little bit of math here and I got pregnant January 20th, 2013. Now Stan and I started hanging out in April....hmm and I guess we're also missing the fact that you usually have to do deeds to get pregnant and Stan and I didn't do deeds...so, you'd think that would clear that up...clearly not.
Has your ex finally accepted itty bitty baby as his?
Yes he has.
Have you done deeds with any other of your dates?
I know this is an ask me anything session...but my mom reads this, moving along.
Do you still run into "The Crush"?
I do every once in a while, we do our small chat thing and continue on in our day. He's really letting himself go though.
We want to hear about the new man!
Alright fine, it started like any other dating session and it broke all of my rules...we chatted till the wee morning hours and again all day the next and I REALLY needed to meet him, that's not like me at all. He was cute, knew how to spell, had a career, had a car, had a house, he was separated, had kids of his own so CLEARLY this guy was bat shit crazy right?
Anyways, he was childless one sunday afternoon however, I was not and itty bitty baby was 5 weeks old (keep that number in mind). Child # 1 had just gone down for his nap and I let this guy to my house. Looking back and I tell him this all the time...I am nuts. I remember thinking as he walked to the door that "Oh my God I'm crazy, what if this guy is a psycho, what if he kills you and your children, where's the phone?! Ok, 911 ready to go if needed...Kelly you're nuts you're nuts you're nuts." DON'T DO WHAT I DID.
We sit on my couch and make chit chat. I tried breast feeding itty bitty baby but my stint in the ER made me dry up so I sat on the couch, with my 5 week old, feeding him a bottle, on my first date with this guy. Sooo classy. Baby goes to sleep and I remember getting up to put him in his swing and the MINUTE that child was strapped in, stranger danger here grabs my waste and starts making out with me hardcore. That's what we'll know him as...stranger danger.
Stranger danger was a great kisser...unfortunately, he had a 5 o'clock shadow going on and I had the BIGGEST whisker burn within 5 minutes. Now, anyone who's had a baby knows that you can't do deeds until at least 6 weeks but I would've if I could! Would that have changed anything? I asked him that and he still says he would've dated me..psycho lol.
Will we hear more about him?
Um it's hard to say. He knows about this blog and I promised not to write about him. There's actually a good legitimate reason behind it and I respect his wishes. However a whole whack load of issues in the parenting department have come up and I thought about writing about them but, I don't know. I'll show him this post and I'll see if I overstepped my boundaries.
Has child #1 met him yet?
Actually for the first time this week they had their first encounter. I did NOT want him to meet child #1 right away, for child #1 gets attached extremely easily. However, this has been the most ridiculous winter on the planet here and my toilet line froze. My dad has been working crazy hours since his work is pulling out of the area and just couldn't help, so stranger danger came to the rescue.
What do your friends think of him?
Well, to be completely honest, stranger danger and I have extremely busy schedules. We barely see each other more than twice a week for 20 minutes at a time. We have coffee together during our lunches and we might see each other for an hour on the weekend. To plan a date seems to take a month in advance notice...and even then it got cancelled/rescheduled 3 times on both our parts. It's tough! So to answer that question, my friends have not met him.
Well, I hope that answers everything!
Goodnight.
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